"I don't think there's anyone else involved now. That's why she's starting to crack. I'm almost positive there has been an EA/PA in the past, which is probably why she has so much guilt/depression going on."
Probably right otherwise you might have been able to kick her out of the house. It doesn't take much to encounter another OM - they are are all over the place (workplace, church, school, grocery store) esp. if she's the talkative type. The guilt/depression will probably be converted to anger or love depending on which way the chips fall. Risky territory!
Just some legal advice: Before you move out of the house get the custody/parentling schedule agreed to in writing and keep a daily journal documenting everything you did for the kids and the time you spent with them. Otherwise you can be viewed later as abandoning the family. There may also be tax consequences to living separately. And bank accounts?
