"OK, that is your choice but I do know what I want. I know my decison now. I'll have my L start the process."
You lead. No anger or tears. She can't commit and that's her choice.
This is what i keep going back to pookie. Is this what i need to do right now, or should i continue on making me a better me for me and not do this. Or is me bringing this to a head to show her that i will walk and unless she says anything but ok ill commit to try, the right thing to do?
Coach told you how you should hold your ground when talking to her about OM.
You want to make certain that she is done with him and that you can trust her when she says that.
Maybe she has done that already, maybe not. If you think you can believe her now then don't bring it up. However it is still paramount that the A is over before M healing can start.
Working on yourself is a parallel task. You are doing it for yourself.
So I just get a call from my wife. I didn't pick up and just let it go to voicemail. The voicemail only talked about money she said she was going to pay me. Before we agreed to 4000 dollars but on the voice mail she said 3000 and that she was going to try to get her dad to help out so it wouldn't take as long for her to pay me back. Any suggestions on what angle or direction I should take on this?
Tomorrow text her that you thought we said $4000. Sound surprised that she said $3000. Let her save face if she was trying to cheat you, but stand your ground.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
Maybe I'm thinking for her, but my take on it is just like last Monday when she called. The money issue is no issue.new had talked before and she was just going to give me 500 bucks once a month til it was paid off. This just seems more like a reach out to me or an excuse to call. Maybe I'm wrong but that's my underlying thought.
NFTP, I'm not so much worried about the amount I won't back down on that. I know what has been said and just like last week with something else she kind of changed it up a little bit. I was just thinking about how I should approach. I do like waiting til tomorrow to respond. Any other suggestions anyone?
Alright, well i feel i took one step forward, one step back tonight. I could kick myself in the butt, even as the words were coming out I knew i should just shut up. So anyway, i met my wife tonight and we talked for about an hour. I was validating, she was talking, this was the first and most we've talked since this has happened. So we kind of start talking about us, and ive realized what my next 180 is going to be its going to be to shut up. So were talking about us and the subject of what each one of us wanted came up. So I ask what she wants and she tells me that I dont know, i dont really feel like its up to me. Im the one who's left so she asks me what I want. I look at her and I said I want us to commit to trying to work this out. I go on for a few minutes about taking it slow, not really changing anything at the moment. Just planning to point to a direction whether its divorcing or staying together. She said something about just seeing what happens and i said thats fine, id rather have a plan, but i told her that it would take a little of both. So then I ask her what she wanted, and she once again said I dont know. She said we both seemed happy right now, and i agreed that i was happy, but said i would prefer to work this out. She talked about how she liked doing things for her right now, how she liked enjoying friends, family and just coming and going however she wanted to. After all this she apologizes once again and says something like im probably going to call her tomorrow or something all mad, and I said no, but im not bringing up us anymore. I also through in that one day she was going to wake up and regret whats happened but of course that is neither here nor there.
Ok so i guess the only good thing that came from tonight was the subject of the OM. When we first sat down i asked her if she had talked to him and she said that he had sent her a text fri. but that she didnt respond. She was telling me about a conversation she had with her aunt about guys and a relationship being the last thing on her mind and that she just wants to work on her and do things for herself. So when we get ready to leave i look at her and say If you want us to beable to communicate at all, youre going to have to call him right now, tell him to never communicate with you again and if he does that she was going to tell me. So she did all of that right there on speaker phone with me listening before I left.
I guess now im just going to continue to GAL, and not worry about her. I dont really know what else to do. I feel like if i was to ask her out that it would only make me look weak now. So im just going to leave it alone. I dont know what else to do.
Thanks pen. For some reason when I got up this morning i feel really good. I don't know if it's b/c of the OM thing or if I've gained some detachment from her. It's weird.
She does not know what she wants so it's time for you to lead her. She is looking for direction from YOU.
She offered you transparency on the OM issue. Was it enough for you to believe her? I think it should be. Put that on the side for now unless something changes.
Make a plan how to proceed. Start "dating" her. Be a catnip and get attractive. She is on neutral. Rev her up.
I feel good about the other guy OM issue she was very sincere. In regards to us I felt her come forward last night only to slam on the breaks. When I asked what she wanted she looked at me and said it's not really up to me to decided that I was the one that needed too since she was the one who left but when I said alright, let's do this she once again went back to I dint know if that's what I want
