Having a hard couple of days. Trying to stay upbeat. Thought we were making progress again and then the past several days I feel we have gone backwards.
When you get an urge to react (call, text, e-mail, etc.) stop yourself for a second. Get up, take a deep breath and think it through. "Why do I really feel like I have to do this right now?" You are reacting to your emotions at that moment.
It's a great way to self discipline. Works also with all the other hastily decisions that you need to make in life.
It is okay to let your emotions go on "paper". I used to type up my e-mails and text messages, but before hitting the send button I paused got up and went for a walk.
When I returned, I read through what I had written and amazingly realized how full of anxiety and weakness those messages were. I found myself very unattractive.
Most of them were never sent.
It's a great feeling when you have control over yourself.
Always leave time before ringing or sending anything! I used to panic terribly about lots of things one of my 180's was to compare it to H leaving me, most of the time nothing seemed worse than that so I got on and did it anyway!
Echo Sandi dont make each day about how your M went but more about how you went, did you do something for yourself, did something make you laugh, did you get out and GAL!
Echo Pookie getting control of you is extremely freeing and far outweighs the other things that are going on in your life.
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
When you get an urge to react (call, text, e-mail, etc.) stop yourself for a second. Get up, take a deep breath and think it through. "Why do I really feel like I have to do this right now?" You are reacting to your emotions at that moment.
It's a great way to self discipline. Works also with all the other hastily decisions that you need to make in life.
That's true.....or you can even come here to the board instead of giving in to emotions.
When I was trying to get through my no contact with OM, every time I felt tempted, I'd come here to the board. It was my therapy. Thanks to some great people, it helped me through some tough times.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
W used to complain when she travelled for her job how much time lost being with the family and D3. But now as a WAW she still has less time with D3. I don't understand how any mother can choose this distance with their child. Does she really value the time away from me more than being a full-time mom?
Yes she does. Or at least right now. The "pain" of being with you is too great for her to bear. it's just the way the WAS thinks. No use trying to figure it out.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
It's hard, but I'm handling things better. W text a few times, mainly about finacial handlings. Then she called to let D3 talk to me. She was on speaker and W was telling D3 what to say. Telling her to tell me where she went wit D3 and how much fun they hand, etc. Almost like she was trying to prove to me that she can take care of D3 without me or trying to rub it in how much fun they are having. I know she was upset before b/c D3 had told her how I took D3 to school fair and circus and how much fun she had. I just reacted pleased that they were having fun now.
W and I just ran an errand and she drove me home with D3 in the car. We were having a good time together singing, playing around in the car. We got the house and she took a couple of things out to take back with her to where she is staying (her grandmother's). While at the house she made a comment in the bathroom about if some girl's "feminine product" was in the garbage and stinking up the bathroom. I told her, "No, that no girl has been in the house except her and D3." She then said, "I don't care, that's up to you, none of my business." As she was leaving, I gave in and said, "You know how I feel and that hasn't changed." She said, "Good, you can feel that way." Then as I put D3 into her car seat I asked, "why are you so angry with me?" She replied, "Because you keep pushing me for something I don't want. Do you want me to find somebody for you?" So, as she left I said, "You know, I didn't get married to get divorced." She said, "Neither did I. Don't think that's going to change anything."
Not sure if I should leave it alone or send her something stating boundaries, or give it a couple of days and see her reaction. Or just give up.
Dude, leave it alone. Wait a few days. Stop having R talks.
Tell her that she is right about the D. You have decided that you don't want to be with someone who doesn't love you and you are moving on too. I haven't read all of your thread, but you have probably gotten all this advice before, right? Put it to use. No more pursuing. As hard as it is, you have to let her go and live for yourself and your D.
Also, last night I let her know that I had to be somewhere and couldn't hang around - but I didn't tell here where. It wasn't until after I said that when she made the comment in the bathroom about another girl. Nevermind that I was actually going to Novena prayers, but she didn't need to know that. It was so obvious to me later that night how she was trying to instigate an argument or get under my skin with the things she was saying. She would say something nice, even reminisce about when we first got together then the next minute say something that she knows would normally have gotten to me. Its almost like she is trying to find or create reasons now to validate why she left, b/c she doesn't know what she is running from anymore.
Then this morning she is sending me pictures and texting me. I replied once and backed off.
I've got to control how I feel during those moments and react accordingly so she continues to be confused as to why she left in the first place.
