Finding My Way

[Mystik]

Friday was H's birthday. I had DS call him in the morning, gave him some privacy. When I was dropping DS off at school H called back, I let DS answer but H wanted to talk to me. He wanted to tell me that he heard on the radio there was going to be a contest that night on Spike TV to win tickets to see Daughtry in Vegas. I said thanks, wished him a happy birthday and hung up. Nothing more from H that day.

On Saturday I took DS to the pumpkin patch, while there H texted me asking what time I was thinking. I answered 11-5, and he responded he meant that night, that I said I would drop DS off after the pumpkin patch and since it was going to be late he had asked about overnight. I responded that I didn't recall that, that I recalled him saying when I told him I was taking DS to the pumpkin patch on Saturday that H said he would take him longer on Sunday instead. H texted back that when I told him about the pumpkin patch I mentioned maybe dropping him off and that's when he inquired about overnight. At that point I stopped responding, I was trying to have a good day with DS and didn't want an argument with H to spoil it. I was already missing H, thinking that if Whore hadn't trapped him H would have been at the pumpkin patch with DS and I instead of it being my mom.

This morning DS called H to talk to him for a bit and then wanted to head out early to meet DS at the exchange point. So we did and waited for H to show up. When H showed up Whore was with him. As soon as DS was out of the car and the door closed I left, I sobbed the whole way home and am still crying as I type this.

This hurts so much. I know that God has a plan for everyone and only does things in your best interest but I'm having a really hard time seeing how this situation is good for me. I wish I could just shut off all emotions except my love for DS, maybe then I won't be a walking heartache.