Wanted: Large dose of patience

[Sanderika]

Hello there Cas,

I am very excited that H invited you to lunch with D and his parents. Your H invited you!!! This is a tremendous move from the other side.

This sends a clear message to them that you two are:

A. Getting along quite nicely with one another.
B. Putting the past where it belongs...in the past.
C. Reconnecting

As far as I can say...in reference to his "mood". In my experience with H...when he was most quiet and seemingly withdrawn, he was actually very deep into his own thoughts
about all things concerning his life and relationships between me and the OW.

In my case, it didn't really matter the scenario we were in. When H would behave that way I would let him be...I/we would attempt engagement as necessary and not push, just like you all did.

It's all so very hard because it's not the company or the place. It's H and the big messes he has created, and his problem to figure out. It's unfortunate that they behave this way when the situation should create the opposite affect on them.

IMO, his response that he was "fine" is a mask for his very troubled mind. He has a lot to process. He enjoys his company with you and at the same time feels guilty about his past behaviors and can't figure out why everyone is so forgiving to him. He also wonders how he can fix things without hurting anyone (meaning you or the OW). His problems are so messy that he really doesn't know what to do.

I am assuming he was in a different mood until you all were within his view. Once he saw that you all were happy and loving and truly having fun with each other (I assume this was from the start) he was reminded of his mistakes....thus guilt and fear took over him. A CONFUSED MAN

I think your H wants to be back in the family, he is afraid and needs more time to receive nurturing and confidence.

(((Cas))) keep showing your H you support him and accept him in forgiveness and love. Continue to be patient for him...

His text of thanks was genuine. A simple "you're welcome H" is necessary. He needs to feel validated by you, give him that.

Besides a card....what was your gift choice? (If I may ask)
SEE....A lot happened in the past two weeks....all positive from where I sit

Keep the faith (((Cas))),

Sanderika