As I told Irish recently, who amoung us doesn't have a dark night of the soul from time to time. You have been a steady inspiration not only to me but to so many others here. Sometimes we forget you are here for the same reasons we are.
So, feel your feelings. Get Angry, but in a productive way. Vent if it makes you feel better. (I bet you didn't know I was a venter, did you?)
Lance is so right. Here you are a full year later, and there is no divorce. That speaks powerfully of something. Something he feels down deep inside but is unable to express, perhaps.
It's been raining for two straight days here. Foggy, misty. Leaves are changing. Don't know what the weather is where you are at, but for me, outside is really God's church. So, figuratively speaking, go to church this morning, and have a long, uninterrupted talk with God, all alone. Betcha feel better.
Grit, You are so right. The pain does push us forward.
Sweet B, For what ever reason this one hit me like a tidal wave.
H emailed me wanting me to find his Army discharge papers. No explanation. So I'm thinking maybe he needs them for retirement planning, veteran's hospital, clubs, maybe even for funeral planning.
I was unable to find them and the next morning my son comes home from work and tells me his Dad asked if I had found them. What H wanted them for was a 10% discount at a home improvement store. He's planning an addition on to ow's tiny little house so he can have a room of his own.
Now mind you this is in addition to all the work he's already put into that house. I'm here in my house that needs all kinds of work and since I'm now paying for everything I have nothing left to put into it.
It could be such a beautiful old house and has so much potential. That was once part of our dreams together to restore it to what it once was and better.
It made me so angry and hurt to hear what he wanted those papers for, especially when he left a man cave here that was built around him and his wants. All done by the kids and I. He used this den to shut himself off from us. Maybe he needs a room there to do the same. Who knows?
Anyway, I am ashamed to admit, especially to you B, that that really made me angry. I look at what you're going through and realize that I'm blessed that the kids and I don't have to worry about where we're going to live at least at this time.
Even though it needs a lot of work the old place is safe and warm. For that I'm grateful.
I'm also grateful and blessed to have friends here that I can turn to to set me straight and remind me that if I can still have this strong of a reaction, I'm not done yet...
I'm also grateful and blessed to have friends here that I can turn to to set me straight and remind me that if I can still have this strong of a reaction, I'm not done yet...
Seeking, I agree with all of the things everyone has pointed out above. You are such a voice of wisdom on this board that it is easy for us to forget that you are struggling, just like the rest of us.
What you wrote above, really jumped out at me. I have been dealing with frustration since my 2 year bomb anniversary and have thought about walking away many times......but the intensity of my emotional reaction (i.e. anger) showed me that I'm not done yet........I think that YOUR anger tells you something too........just as you wrote in the quote above. Find someplace safe to have a 'meltdown' or a loud convo with God..........and then spend some time thinking about all of the things that you are thankful for. You already started your list above.
I know how things sneak up and send ya for a loop. I will think I am going along fine and detached and then WHAM! Maybe getting too comfortable in a bad sit? IDK. I think you are right when you say we "aren't done yet".... !!!
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
