How do you move on...when do you just give up?

[25yearsmlc]

Marie,

I have a strong hunch Your h is making $$ plans and probably already is putting assets aside for his plan to move on. Your fear of what? Being alone? Well that fear is paralyzing you too much, but ironically the ONE thing that might get him to snap out of it, and return to the m, is HIS fear of losing you and the kids, which would only be achieved by you doing something like leaving or filing. He does NOT have that fear yet b/c your neediness and terror of being alone is so great and obvious that you have accepted behavior from him, which your children see & learn from, and it's either designed to get you to leave first or just to hurt you. EIther way IT's contempt he is showing.

Please don't confuse being a doormat with "Standing for a marriage". You can leave, and yet still want and hope for the m, (I have two family members who div and remarried years later and yes the 2nd time around was better).You can GAL and move forward and still harbor a hope for something healthy down the road.
BUt putting up with all this probably endangers your financial future AND the chance for a Good marriage. I say that Unless a L tells you that you will actually be on the streets without this man in the house, I'd surely consider filing for something to protect your assets & your kids & INCREASE his respect for you- because without any boundaries there is no respect, and there can be no love without respect.

Seeing a L does NOT mandate filing anything. Knowledge is power. WHy haven't you at least consulted one? Do so asap and do NOT tell your h. Do not. Later on, depending on what you learn MAY be a time to toss that around but do not bluff....and beware of his temper. Some men and women go nuts at the word "lawyer" so be careful. He sounds so abusive as if he's treating you with such contempt...showing you the papers he filled out was cruel. I think he's resentful that money is stopping him from leaving and I suspect it's mostly true. What else does he say that would indicate otherwise? I mean, does he complain you don't give him enough attention & do you secretly hope that showing you the papers was to get some other reaction from you? IF he said it's only money stopping him, I'd believe him. More importantly, who cares why? It was mean. Other than that, the reason for a "gesture" of this sort seems hollow. I think he means it and so, living with that is bad news.
Good luck!!
j-