I want to be part of the group...

[Jstar]

I have been thinking of sending this to h. any thoughts:

i've tried for almost a year to stop certain things in how i feel. i have changed my way of thinking and approach to situations. i have stuffed my feelings down deep. as much as i have tried everything i still have love for you.

if the way i feel makes me a fool then so be it. i do know that i am a genuine woman with morals, values, and a set of ethics many strive to reach. when i got married it was a huge step for me, i understood what it meant, teh committment i swore inf ront of z that her parents would be together till death parts the m and all the other vows. you did nothing but doubt my committment because i paused, marraige is not to be stepped into lightly and divorce has scars that are imprinted on x and z. it is a destruction of a family.

i know that i cuold have been a better wife, more understanding and patient. i think i was pretty open about my feelings and didnt give you alot of credit and each time you messed up i nailed you. i also know i did not trust you and with you feeling like discussing your feelings, heart, and dreams you felt you'd be less of a man.

we are coming up on a year of seperation, i have used that time to grow and change certain things. i have hated and loved you the entire time. sadly i have nto been able to extinguish the amourous feelings, and makes me wish things differently.

well, since you could give a rats a@# about anything, i'm going to be just like you. there is no reason for me to not to bring someone in my life and the kids. I am deserving of and receiving love from a man who wants me desires me, and wants to be with the kids.

i have been lonely to long, i crave human touch and i have so much love to give a man. i am going to restore my family unit to the way it was intended with a mother and father who love one another and so strongly love their children and what is best for them.

i am sorry you have chosen not to participate with us in this journey. i was faithful to my marriage vows and it is you that left this family, chosen to destroy it and it is up to me to repair it.

i have put off dating out of respect for my marriage vows and declined on offers not only out of that respect but for the love i have for you. granted my actions at times do not give out that message but i have loved you through it all, the anger, lies, and selfishness. i think now it is time for me to selfish and get what i deserve. i vowed that you would be the man to spend the rest of my life with and raise these children and yet again i am sorry that you have made the choices you have and taken the easy cowardly way out.

i will have my church group continue to pray for me and the kids to find peace and love in our lives.