ditto on the nicest place, although I"m not clear about a commute to the kids. Not too bad? Time together matters too. But yeah, be nice to yourself. Someday soon someone new will be nice to you too. In the meantime, YOU be nice to you.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
FIB, I am so sorry. It does seem to be a series of losses right now....it might help to look at them as changes, more. We can't see the future to tell if these changes will be any better or worse than what we have now.
I would go with the nicer apt - it will save $ on the gym and entertainment for the kids when they visit.
Every step that removes a piece of the life we once had (and the future life we expected to have, for that matter) brings with it some pain.
Regardless of whatever positives might accompany these things, I think our hearts grieve for the parts of our past life that we treasured.
Life with Debra and her kids here in North Carolina is wonderful and I am truly a happy and blessed man. But I tell you truthfully that pulling away from the first and only home I have ever owned made me feel broken inside. Looking in the rearview mirror and seeing my two boys standing there waving goodbye didn't help either.
You should feel loss and pain. I would be more bothered if you didn't.
That being said, the others are right when they encourage you to find the positives in this next transition.
Quote:
Moving out of my house sucked too. But I left a lot of ghosts behind...
Know that frank_d is on the mark with this one my friend. You will never forget the great memories of those years in that home. But by moving on, you also will not have to relive the negative ones over and over and over...
Your heart has not led you astray to this point, so find some quiet time to truly listen to what your gut has to say about where to make your next home. The home after all is what you get when you and the kids are living there, not what comes with the building.
I feel your pain and sympathisize completely.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Hey Frank - Oh boy does this one hit home..It was the hardest part for me too. I sold my house 7 months ago and live with my boys in my parents basement. I didn't hire a moving company..I rented a big Uhaul truck and got a huge dumpster and removed every thing from that house myself..There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about that house..but then I realized that moving out was necessary (not just financially, as you know for me it was VERY necessary) but for transitioning.
It hurts now for you..but just watch...the more time you spend away from it, the easier it will get and the more you will understand that it is a good thing for starting your new life. As with every other part of this process, just listen to yourself..don't hold anything in and keep surging forward. Frank and his kids can have a great time and make great memories inside any four walls. But Frank, the single father who was recently divorced, needs to start somewhere fresh..I know you can handle this.
Strength and Honor..
Mules
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
After all that you've had to endure, I know that you'll be okay with this bump as well. Have you heard of or read The Power of Now? I highly recommend it.
HI all. I think, like all losses, I am moving upward since the signing. To 2nd, I haven't seen that book but I will put it on the 'to read' list. Thanks. Drew, mulesqb, bworl, 25, et al....thanks for stopping by.
All in all, I probably have the longest divorce process here so far. Officially, I am still married in the eyes of the law. Yes, the stip is signed and we are apart but the judge still has to stamp it. Last week my atty tells me that it might be another 2 months. Since the law still sees as us 'family', I still have to carry her health insurance and it's a killer.
I had to have pest control come by today to treat for termites as part of the sale. $2000. Ouch. She will have to split that at closing however as prep of the house.
I am packing now. Amazing how many things you come across, from baby hats, to toys that fell behind things, to love notes, etc. I'm tossing as much as I can.
This far out, both my kids have expressed pain over the divorce. My son was crying last week after spending the weekend with me, saying he hates the pain of having to leave each parent and 'why do you two have to be divorced? I don't like leaving each of you'.
And D7: "Dad, can I ask you a personal question?" "Sure D7". "Are you happy that you're divorced?" That one took great thought to answer.7 year olds are bright, especially my daughter.
Last weekend I took the kids up to Cooperstown and we had a fantastic time. The leaves were incredible and the hotel owner had kept the pool and hot tub open, so, in mid-October, there we were outdoors swimming away. My kids are pool rats so I think THAT was the highlight of the weekend. It was my first 'leaf peeper' weekend away in quite some time and the views were spectacular. I hope to post them on 'visage livre' as they say in French.
Finally, Cadillac man appears to be a permanent fixture for now. I have not seen him nor do I really want to. It is not jealousy or wanting X back. It is the thought of my kids with a 'stranger' in the house and, to a degree, the same thought that others express here..the feeling of 'she won and you lost'. I think that most of these negative thoughts are coming from the finality coming up: moving and the financial hit that will come over the next 2 months.
I can do this. Just not looking forward to it.
Almost 4 1/2 years. Of course, after I am done, NY finally decides to pass a 'no fault' divorce law.
More boxes to pack. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
