Moving to the next phase of what?

[cagzmom]

my counseling session today was hard. its been awhile since that! he pushed me. pushed me to think about my ideals to see if what i really want is what I "think" i want.

defining new is hard.
being honest is hard.

moving beyond x and into healthy isn't as hard as it was.. but there are still terrible pulls.

the yo yo life that i lived with him for so long was so very very addictive. the highs were unbelievable. financially, sexually, emotionally ... they were awesome. in a way i feel like a heroin addict.. when they talk about their first high and trying to recapture it.... but then they know the truth of the low.

That is where I am. stability --- what I call "Boring" right now... that is where I truly want to be. I also know what is best for me... now I just need to be ok with my singleness .. keep moving on and move to this phase..

i am gripped by some things - but i believe slowly it is changing.

my heart breaks for those hitting this for the first time. nothing like it... i wouldn't wish this on anyone.. ok one person... and i can't wait unitl that changes even.