I'm trying to think of ways to get her to go to a different one, but she is not in a place to take recomendations from me.
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
She didn't. But I told my W if ever try MC again (unlikelky) I won't go to her.
Smart move.
I'm going to provide a little background of an earlier incarnation of TimeHeals where... time didn't heal.
Up until about age 32, I can honestly say that I had very poor personal boundaries. In those first 32 years, I had exactly one girlfriend that I didn't stay in pretty much continious contact with. In short, I built up a large entourage of former love interests, and if you like a life of drama and unstable relationships, you would probably say I was doing well. I didn't spend much time single (I think the longest period was 4 months), and I had one girlfriend that I was friends with for over 10 years (it only ended after she married AND after she had twins--and she had the sense to say... "hey, my family and marriage is more important than us being buddies").
All staying buddies will do--should you not reconcile--is keep you from moving on. Doesn't mean you have to be nasty, but it does mean you need to establish healthy boundaries.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I'm trying to think of ways to get her to go to a different one, but she is not in a place to take recomendations from me.
Unless she comes to you wanting to reconcile, I don't see where her choice in couselor is relevant. If she wants a divorce, then you should proceed as if that is what is going to happen.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
All staying buddies will do--should you not reconcile--is keep you from moving on. Doesn't mean you have to be nasty, but it does mean you need to establish healthy boundaries.
Funny you should mention this. I contacted an ex for the first time in 5 years today. I said right up front I wasn't looking for a romantic relationship or even friendship, saying "vulnerable people should have strong boundaries". I just wanted to see if there were parallels in our breakup to my current sitch.
I did 6 years ago. Why is it too much harder now? (Rhetorical question)
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
When mine suggested that we could all have Christmas together in the future with both of our future new wives/husbands and kids...i asked her what planet she was on!
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
You've changed? There is something harder to learn that you are resisting understanding or more attatchment, so more emotional pain?
That's my guess. When I cared the least, was the "bad boy", and so on, grieving relationships was days to a week tops, and then I was moving on to the next one or chasing 3-4 other women.
When I began to change (and it didn't start until after I took a job that required travel for many years, spent some time alone, reflected on the importance of "family", and so on) I was amazed that the first semi-serious relationship I had was followed by months of detachment issues. For the first time, I suppose I began to think about the importance of establishing a working, long-term relationship.
I'm still learning.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Could be your W is letting you know what she likes and apreciates about your relationship. It is crazy-talk, but at least it shows that she is still attached to you.
Might be time to set some boundries, go out with friends, and let her know through your actions that she will not be calling or dropping by all the time' if she choses not to be married any longer. You will have your own life that will not include her. It sounds like a cake eating fantasy to me.
When mine suggested that we could all have Christmas together in the future with both of our future new wives/husbands and kids...i asked her what planet she was on! _________________________
Ha... one big dysfunctional Brady bunch with two moms and two dads I wonder, would there be two Alices? And are both Mr. Bradys secretely gay?
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Beleive it or not, one of her aunts and uncles actually do this! On this planet!
Oh, I believe it alright. There is very little about dyfunctional families that I don't believe is possible if people really are willing to tollerate high levels of psersonal drama.
Plus... I have been to Apalacia. [cue the banjo music]
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I wonder, would there be two Alices? And are both Mr. Bradys secretely gay?
[cue the banjo music]