how long do you do no contact?

[JinBK]

Oh, rysmom, I don't know. If I were you I wouldn't contact him at all unless it's business. Actually, in many ways I am you.

It seems like you have this need for your MIL to like you and that is just not going to happen. What's done is done with the flowers, but I think you need to let her go, too. She has shown no care for you if she is letting her son bring his mistress into the house, she has earned no such respect from you. It is not that you have to be heartless, but texting your H to see how MIL is just shows them both that you are needy and still seeking approval.

I understand this very very much! I am the same type of person as you, so I recognize what motivates you. My H lives in a family home, and my MIL has given him permission to bring the OW into the house pretty much as soon as I moved out, too, so I also really really understand your sitch!

Don't lose you heart - I know that those of us that worry what people think of us also have big, open, forgiving hearts. But you have to know when you have to protect your heart from pain. And every time you show your heart to MIL or to your H, all they do is take advantage.

No contact involves conditions that you set for your H to ask for contact from you. Those conditions are generally that he cease all contact with OW and express a desire to recommit to the marriage. Did you write him a letter saying this? Within the letter, you explain why - that you wish to save your marriage but his actions are causing you too much pain and NC is needed to protect yourself.

Then you wait. During that time, you do what you are doing - find yourself and find joy again. It is a chance to think about you and what you need to be a happy, whole person again. It is up to H to make the change needed and come to you to ask for forgiveness.

You need to find a 3rd party to take care of communications between you and your H. Especially since you have a child, you will need this person to protect you. Do you have such a person?

Don't do anything else for him. Don't watch his dog. Don't let him send a repair man. Don't send you MIL any more flowers. Don't ask how she is doing. This does not make you a b*tch. People who have shown no respect to you do not deserve the love that you have in your heart.