I was really excited to read this new development. Not sure if I'm reading this correctly, but your H's decision to include you with D and his parents on his birthday feels 'intimate' to me.
I agree with CW. You definitely need to bring a birthday card! You can't go wrong doing what you would normally do for a friend. You could sign your name with D's name...or....sign only your name. Let your instincts guide you, but this could be a safe opportunity to try to move toward more intimacy with H in a non-threatening way. Jody always said that humor was a good way to bond with my H/XH. She said that laughter causes the release of oxytocin, the 'bonding hormone'. This neurochemical is released right after orgasm and in mothers during nursing. I would suggest a humorous card. That's non-threatening.
I also think that a sweet, personal, non-threatening present would speak volumes to H in a way that won't send him running the other way. The added bonus is that when he looks at it (back home in his 'bat cave') he will think about you.....NOT OW. I'm thinking that a home made gift certificate from you and D..........or you and the cat/dog.........something that's non-threatening to H..........might work. I gave H home made gift certificates for (1) a movie and (2) for me to look in on his mother for his first birthday after the bomb. Maybe you could give H a gift certificate for a home made dinner prepared by you and D, or a movie, or walking his dog....or something like that. This would give him the opportunity to initiate a social outing with you if he chooses.
My 2 cents.
Please let us know what happens, OK? We are pulling for you!
Hey brilliant news, definitely a nice card, I'd buy a small gift in fact I did when H and I were sorta just starting to talk properly. I got him a book "simons cat" (very apt) its all comical drawings of what a mad cat gets up too! But later when I visited him at his place the thank you notes I'd given him and the book where by his bed... Little snippets of Cas is what you need to leave him with, thoughts, moments, smiles... all the things you remember and smile at when you first fall in love!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
CW, thanks for your thoughts...Good point. H insists we are friends now so a card would be appropriate as friends and GAG is right, humour is perfect. I'll see if I can get the right one in the morning.
I'm still undecided on a gift. I could give him a gift certificate for a dinner using one of the recipes we liked from the magazines we viewed at swimming. That's non-threatening as he'll be coming over for dinner anyway.
I'm not sure about movies cos he might think I was pressuring him as he doesn't go to the movies too often and I do.
He made reference to winning lotto recently so I could give him some lotto tix.
I'm still liking the coffee/carwash as he likes his car to be clean and he doesn't have a lot of spare cash these days.
Wine is another option.
A plant? Likes gardening. I did give him a peace plant another time though when we first split. I think he killed it though!
His other hobbies are flying, golf, music and walking. Nothing I can afford for flying and nothing I can think of that he doesn't already have for the other hobbies.
D and S brought him a couple of shirts. They look good and I'm sure he'll be happy with them. MIL got him a gift voucher to buy shorts/jeans for the shirts........ Summer is nearly here so I'm tipping he'll get shorts!
Trying to think of other alternatives.......
We're leaving at 10.30 and driving about 30 mins to a restaurant in a beachside town. Then we're going to another town to look at the shops after lunch.....bit of an alternative area apparently so lots of interesting shops. I haven't been there before and neither have MIL or FIL.
One again I have to say life is interesting.....Gee I say that a lot these days.
Rabbit and SA ....we were typing at the same time! Thanks for chiming in with your thoughts. I really appreciate everyone's thoughts. Just can't think of anything more personal for H as he only reads business and flying magazines, not any books. He's super neat and very organised but he usually buys himself whatever he likes or wants. Instant gratification is his middle name!
A cook book? He likes cooking and it's certainly something that will remind him of me when he uses it. Just got to find the right one and I don't have lots of shopping time. My head is full but I have enough ideas for the next few birthdays and Christmases!
Two things are going through my mind as I sit here........1. DB is about one step forward and two back and 2. Don't give anyone the power to ruin your day
We headed off to lunch and H was really quiet on the drive down. I figured he's have more to say over lunch. Wrong! He hardly said a word. Then we went for a walk and FIL suggested an icecream. While everyone was in the ice-cream shop I asked H if he was ok and he said he was fine. We had a drive on the way back and stopped in at another place. We went for a short walk but the mood was just the same. I must admit that I started to feel angry. MIL said perhaps he's had enough of them staying with him. Perhaps so, but here were people trying to make his day a pleasant one........
As D pointed out, it was not directed at me. He was just withdrawn and apathetic.
I had stayed up quite late modifying his resume for him and when I asked if he'd seen it and was happy with it he said, "Yes thank you." I wasn't looking for praise and recognition by any means but this was just an example of his apathy.
