Ominus Bonus

[steady]

9 days later she files a police report that I was stalking her. This woman is nuts. So she manages to slip a reference in an unrelated email exchange:

From my W to me:

Your response is confusing considering on Friday night (9/29) you texted and stated in a voice text "See you Monday" to D and then proceeded to surprise all of us by showing up at a doctor's appointment for S the next morning. Not only did you show up unannounced when the kids were to be mine for the weekend according to our current arrangement, but you showed up again at D's therapy the next morning. While it was still my time with the kids, one hour after her therapy you followed us into the mall and surprised us again. You have shown total disregard for our arrangement resulting in unnecessary pain for all of us.

(there was more to the email but I cut it out. My beginning stuff addresses the fact she decided to take my D to therapy on a day when I had both kids in the evening. Usually whoever has them in the evening takes them to their appointments)

So I responded:

Ok I'm a little lost here. I never said either of us couldn't attend any of the kids' appointments. Just who was responsible for taking them where. Of course we can both attend any of their doctor's appointments whenever we want. Neither one of us needs permission from the other to do that - regardless of whose time it is with the kids.

I just see it would be the same thing as me telling you I would be picking up S and taking him to group on a Tuesday you normally would take him. You would then meet me there to pick him up. I think such a move would surprise you and have you ask me why I would be doing that since it was different than the norm. The whole setup you were arranging did not make any sense to me and is completely opposite of how we handle S's appointments.

I know you have a problem with the 'unannounced' but I have no problem you coming to any of their appointments when I have them without having to announce yourself to me. That's your choice. I don't hold the same perspective about the children having to know everything in their future. Life just doesn't operate that way. There will be plenty of times in their life when they will see either one of us without having been prepped first.

I showed up at D's therapy the next morning because I can. I'm not sure why this is a problem for you. We both have the same rights to be at any of their appointments whenever we choose.

You said, "You have shown total disregard for our arrangement resulting in unnecessary pain for all of us." - I haven't shown any disregard for our arrangement. We have already agreed either one of us can come to any appointment, school function, etc our children have. So that part of your statement is not true. I'm not sure how it resulted in any unnecessary pain - that seems like a large over-dramatization of reality. Seeing me is not painful for my kids - quite the contrary. Transitioning is not painful for them - just a small blip on their radar which they quickly get over. I don't think the transitioning bothers S in the least so it's D who has a reaction - and quite a bit of it is behavioral. It's also reducing as time goes by and I'm sure with a little more time it will disappear altogether. She's at an age where children revisit separation anxiety - it just happens to correspond with a time in her life where she is having to make transitions opposite of what her real desire is.

Sorry W, but there was no 'following' you into the mall. After D's appointment I went to my brother's house and got ready to go to work. I grabbed printer ink I bought the day before which was the wrong one and told <brother> I'd be picking up the right one and bringing it back with me after I finished working.

I am allowed to enter into any public place I see fit. I saw your vehicle outside of the mall when I pulled up at Office Depot. I even sent you a text asking if you were there picking up a charm for D as was discussed in D's C office. If you were, I was going to get one also so D would have had them both.

I know you want to frame it that I'm somehow following you around, but my life is a lot more important and valuable than thinking about what you're doing. According to your logic I must have known on Saturday that you were going to be in Office Depot on Sunday. So I went there and purchased the wrong ink so I could then have a reason to go to Office Depot on Sunday. Then when I went back to B's to get my stuff for work, I must have known you would be at Office Depot and timed it perfectly to arrive there minutes before you were finishing up.

Desiring to know your whereabouts or what you're doing doesn't even enter my radar W. I don't think you realize where I'm at in relation to you, but I can assure you it is light years away from anything having to do with you. The only part of my life which is somehow connected to you is my desire and willingness to co-parent our children as effectively as possible and doing it in a way which will make it a positive experience for them. That's it - nothing more. Your life is yours and has nothing to do with me (except co-parenting our children) - it's what we both prefer so it works out perfectly.

I know the last two posts are long and winded but a lot of it is documentation I need to do because of the court situation. Some of it is defending and going into detail and once the court stuff is over the defending and detail are going to disappear. Much of the defending has already disappeared and I basically tell her - this is how I did it and if you don't like it that's fine, but according to my standard, I did it fine. I'll agree to disagree.

I'm also at the point where I don't even want to argue with her or entertain her criticism of me. I still bite the bait a little bit here and there, but I've walked away from a lot more than I have in the past.

It's a new boundary for me - don't need to defend nor explain my decisions unless I choose to. This doesn't mean I won't explain important decisions regarding my kids but the critical nitpicking is what I'm done with.

The other day she sent me an email:

"Why did S wear shorts to school on Tue?" <--- This is so passive aggressive and a totally dysfunctional way of communicating I let it go and didn't even bother responding.

I think that's long enough posts for today. Brings it up to speed a bit.

**** I'm definitely not happy they don't allow us to edit our posts anymore.