How do you move on...when do you just give up?

[marie2235]

Long story short, my husband of 16 years is having a EA/PA with a 20 year old kid. After trying everything, including DB'ing, I have pretty much given up. He is extremly emotionaly abusive to me and is using the feelign he knows I still have for him to play mind games.

I am trying to get the strenth to file - I found a lawyer - and I am half hoping that this will wake him up, will make him stop. He has told me, more times than I can count, the only reason he hasn't filed yet is becuase he can't afford to move out or he would be gone. I am afraid for many reasons - financially, being able to support myself and my kids, even wtih what little I will get with child support and alimony.I dont want to be alone and I do still love my husband. I meant my vows.

He actually has the papers - all filled out - he showed them to me. He is lying about the affair - still denying it. I know if I go file, he will get mean and nasty, even though its what he says he wants. I don't understand why he keeps telling me he is going to file and doesn't do it. That's what brougth me to this.

I dont' want to waste any more years being with a man who says he doesn't love me or want to be with me. Shoudl I file, knowing it will mean huge changes for my children and I - having to move, sell our house, all that stuff.

Or take the easy way out and keep living like this, waiitng for him to do somthing?

He tells me he is miserable and unhappy and it's my fault. He told me I drove him to this.

How do you knwo its really time to give up, to move on? My head is tellign me it is, but my heart is fighting it every stop of the way.

He refuses to talk to me about any of this, anymore. All he says is he can't afford a divorce. Then, goes and does what he wants, with who he wants, when he wants.

Thanks for any advice.