WAW Using God III

[pigskin]

Pigskin,
We're dying here.
Help us out.
Where are you guys at?
How are your boundaries holding up?

SpinFree

LOL. Sorry Spin, didn't realize there was such demand for the next issue of pigskin magazine...

When I don't post every day it just means nothing of note has happened.

W has the kids for the weekend; we are all going to a brief halloween thing at the kids' old daycare that we got invited to. After that, no plans.

W called today to say "Not that I think you need to do something about it but today our middle son said out of the blue, 'I wish daddy lived in this apartment so that when he yells at us the neighbors would hear and call the police on him'.

My initial reaction internally was one of her questioning my parenting, so naturally I got defensive and told her, "I don't do anything differently with the kids now than we did when we were together. I don't yell at them any more than you do, and when I do, it's only because they have been told something multiple times and are not listening."

(Now every parent yells at their kids after 5 times of asking them to do something/not do something and the kid(s) aren't listening. We are no different.)

My W implied that she was not trying to state that there was a problem, just that I should be aware of what was said. And that she expected me to just say "OK" instead of the same old pigskin getting defensive.

I said, "OK, then, OK."

But after hanging up I was fuming, and decided to not sit and stew on it. I called her back and we had a cordial conversation. I basically stated that I got defensive based on how she presented the information to me, and that in the future it would be better if she actually probed into what our son is talking about, and then preface any info she conveys to me as just info only. The tone of her call seemed to imply mistreatment of the kids, even if that was not the intent. At least I took it that way.

She knows I am a good parent (she has said so on numerous occasions) and affair notwithstanding, she is a good mother. Had I been the one our son told that to in reference to mommy yelling, my first statement to the boy would likely be, "Hmmmm. Let me guess. You were you doing something you weren't supposed to do and/or not listening to mommy?" (What my W said she asked was "Does daddy yell at you a lot?" To which the boy replied (of course) "yes". But daddy doesn't yell until he has asked at least 3 times politely. :-) )

I basically told her this, and she agreed that she didn't preface her comments properly. That took care of my fuming.

She seems to be on a down cycle in her depression as the last two days she has been reserved. One thing I might try to pay attention to is if it seems to correspond to when she gets the kids. I know it is tough with 3 kids in a one bedroom apartment. But this is her choice.

With her small improvement in attitude I've begun to think about what I want during the holidays. If she seems to continue to make progress, I would much rather have us spend Thanksgiving and Christmas the way we always do, even if it means she just comes over the the house and doesn't stay there. But I have definitely had thoughts of pushing the issue and stating point blank, "I'll take Christmas, you take Thanksgiving, since they correspond to the days we'll have the kids."

But the problem is, I really don't prefer that. Bottom line it would suck. And it seems to smack of manipulation. I'd like to spend the holidays as a family. Especially since it may be our last one together.