Need Advice from the Experienced Folks on WAW

[GH3421]

She had an IUD but it was removed late last year because we thought we might try to have another child. In April we decided not to and have been using condoms for birth control so me using one is normal. She also had her period several days afterwards so I know she's not pregnant. She has an appointment next week to get tested for STDs that she initiated. I also know for a fact that my wife is terrified of contacting an STD. This concern goes back to our dating days. Despite all the crap going on in our lives, I'm pretty positive that she would not have unprotected sex under any circumstances. I rechecked my saved intel and there are numerous searches involving date rape, forced sex, and contraction of STDs. She has no idea I know any of this.

I just don't know how to approach this anymore. None of it makes sense to me. While putting my son to bed she looked at the email she sent to OM again and when I was done she initiated a conversation with me. She admitted that she has another phone (unprompted although I knew about it anyway) and that she's prepared to turn it off and give it to me. She told me she's committed to working on our marriage and doing what it takes for us to make it. She asked me to pick her up and drop her off for the class that she has with the OM because she's scared of him. She told me ILY for the first time in six months; I did not reciprocate.

During our MC session today she talked about the encounter with OM and her feelings around it. She noted that I was disappointed in the fact that she wouldn't press charges. Since we live in a relatively small city she was concerned on the impact these allegations ultimately would have on her professionally. She was the initiator, she chased him for months (texts, phone calls). Proving something happened would be extremely difficult. She said she doesn't want to be a victim and let her know that he got to her.

So while the email to the OM says one thing pretty conclusively, every other action points in a different way. I can't figure out how to confront her without blowing my intel source—she deleted the email today from sent— so for the moment, I will sit tight and observe.

Is she playing me?. Probably, but I've learned in my professional life that sometimes the best course of action is to do nothing and let events unfold. In the meantime, I will see a lawyer to explore my options, protect myself financially, and continue to gather intel before I confront or take action. I'll be away a lot the next three weeks from home which helps. If sh!t is going to continue to happen outside our M, she has ample opportunity with me away. Ultimately, the intel will show me what's real and what's not.