Any thoughts?

[NotCrackingUp]

KEM,

Even when you do take responsibility for your part in the problem, like Mr bond tells you to, and even if it feels hard and unjust, your W may not budge an inch from her anger for a time. My situation is different, there was (is still?) a third party in the offing, but when my H dropped the bomb and until he moved out, he was continually angry and nasty no matter how I "validated" his having felt unloved etc. I bent over backwards to apologise for my part in our problem, listen to his feelings... But he was in an angry stage where all I did and said was bad. He couldn't even look at me or hear my voice without losing it and being nasty. That anger lasted about 5 months or more, until quite recently. It's a phase, even if they're sure of being in the right, their conscience is hurting them and a certain amount of shame comes out as anger against us. At least, that's what I've made out. Even now, it's still there under the surface, ready to blow if I contradict him in some way, or something upsets his plans.


I've no advice, others are better at that. Good work staying calm when she's cross. I'd avoid e-mails, though. Early on in my situation, I wrote 2 e-mais and a letter to my H. He never answered, just read them and they made no difference to his attitude. If anything, they just toughened his resolve.

Maybe your D does need to see someone, with you two, if only once or twice. Seeing you fighting and apart confuses her and she's too small to express it. My eldest said to me that she thought she shouldn't exist anymore, since the 2 people whose love made her weren't together anymore. The same kind of thoughts could be half-formed in your D's head, only she can't say them like that. A third party, a therapist could help her understand and help you find ways of communicating about and around her, not "through" her.
That's just my point of view.
Good luck.
NCU