Well I think things will come to a head today. In all I would just like to let it lie for a few days and let her make contact with me. But there is one element that I need to work with in that we were going to refinance against properties to get some money to pay off her debts. One of them includes her legal bill (22000) and I think that if I do this then she will strat the legal dance again.
So I think I need to bring this to a head fairly quickly. We are back to her decisions, her outcomes and her consequences. The following is a letter I intend to send her if our phone call goes bad today.
I would really appreciate any feedback that I can get off people.
Quote: My Dearest XXXXX
I am sorry that I am writing this letter but I have that feeling that we are standing at an abyss that we cannot find a way of stepping back from.
Basically you have given me an ultimatum that I have no means of meeting. There exists no way that I am able to arrange for more money in the conditions that you have set, that is without borrowing it from someone. I am to the stage where I am unable to handle talking to you on the phone any longer. You have convinced yourself that I a lying when I explain my circumstances to you here. You are not open to any explanations or appear to have any open frame of mind at all. So we have brought ourselves back again to this point.. By the way I have it conformed by three different people that you are saying that I am hiding money from you.
You will never understand or know the depth of my feelings for you. When you asked to see me that day at XXXXXX I had no intention of a relationship with you at that time, I was sure that you wanted another argument with me and as I said I almost did not go to meet you. With what we had been through I was sure that you had no desire for any sort of future with me. In the end I had moved on with my life but on that day I saw an absolute honesty inside of you that you wanted to move forward together. When I saw you that day and saw your feelings I understood what I felt for you and that I wanted to try again.
You like to say repeatedly that I broke a promise to you regards to getting money sorted out. But I did remember telling you at the time that I couldnt do anything until the money from the business came in. It hasnt and I have got to the stage where I dont care if you believe me or not anymore about this. I know it is the truth and that is all that I care about now.
Saying all this I have realised that since August over 60,000 dollars has been sent to you. I am finding it hard to believe that you have managed to go through all of this but I believed you when you said that you have. I have at no time asked you to account for any of this because I was working on trying to get my trust back in you. I am sorry but I do not trust you with money anymore, you have not displayed any ability to manage or control it. You seem to be wrapped up with an anomaly that happened when I was abandoned in Japan and was under enormous stress, however I still dont understand how you managed to increase the amounts written in bad cheques from 200 to 800 in three days and still have no food.
You like reminding me continuously of broken promises, if you take away your belief that I am being dishonest about having money (and think about it would I organise to lend my mothers Christmas money to you if I had money) there is not much that you could accuse me of. Against this I have a list of your broken promises from the last few months from you, but in our relationship as it stands these seem to not mean anything. You will of course deny them (you never do anything wrong hey) but here are a few:
· In august you promised that you would continue with the job for XXXXXXX and you had put down 2000 a month as income from that. I note that you left this job immediately. · In August you promised that you would move into your parents house to save money until the business worked here. This promise was broken in September. · In August you promised to come over to India for a bit. This promise was broken in September.
I dont list these things down they just popped to mind and I am sure there are others there as well. But as seems to follow a general rule while I can do no right you have never made a mistake. One of our basic problems is that while I have accepted blame in myself for my contribution to our marriage problems you have failed to do so. I see that it is much easier for you to place blame on someone else instead of looking into yourself. You told me once that you treated me like a dog at times and that you knew how to get me to do what you wanted. Well this is the behaviour I am noticing here and I do not find this acceptable anymore.
Everything I have been able to get my hands on has gone to you.
Well I do not have anything else to say in regards to us. You have pushed me to this point and I regret that we have reached here. The next move is up to you, I do love you and I dont think that will stop but I cant be with someone who is starting to make me feel miserable. I am happy to live my life without you now, it is hard to say this but it is a realisation I have come to over the last few days. If you have the courage to do so why dont you just ask the question to yourself -What if he is telling the truth- and then ask yourself how I would be feeling following your behaviour lately. I don’t know if you have it in you to do this.
I guess there are some mechanics that need to be worked out. I am half expecting to get another one of those legal letters form you and if that is the path you chose then so be it. I will call you in Friday to work through these issues. In this circumstance I cant see why we should go ahead with the loan excepting to pay back the people that have loaned money to you over the last few months but we can talk about this on Friday. If you want to keep trying together then let me know and we will but we will have to do it together and not like it is at the moment. Whatever happens I will not abandon you. I will get back in contact when I get some access to money and work out something to help you live.
Anyway I would really appreciate your feedback.
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
