What cake is she eating? Are you providing any financial or emotional support? Are you involved in her life? If it's just a piece of paper that is holding you together, then you might as well file.
Financial support nope, emotional? well I'd like to but we aren't at that point right now where she'd want it. Involved in her life? Not really, kids stuff, the odd conversation but essentially no. Just a piece of paper holding us "together"? Well yes I suppose, unless of course you count the fact that I still love my wife, want my family back together, and am here DBing to try to accomplish that. I don 't want the D, thats why I don't file (thats why i'm here!?!). The Cake and eat it too, referred to my perception that she wants her separated life, OM, new friends etc, yet doesn't seem to want to completely shut her "married" door either. I should say that throughout the time we have been separated she maintained that she didn't want a divorce, she just wanted a "real separation" that changed somewhat in January after confronting her about an OM (not the current OM) "Fine then I want a D" she screams (seemed more from anger then want) she got the paper work done, yet never filed it. June a second (or third or fourth who knows) OM is in the pic, again threatens to file and never does, etc (see above post). My question is not what to do,(I follow the DB as best I can) but was looking for some input on what she may be thinking? I realize nobody here can tell me what SHE is thinking, but hoped someone who had been in a similar sitch may have some input. No offence Pin, but if I thought there was NO HOPE, I am aware that I might as well file. I think there is, I hope there is, and wonder if her hesitance to finalize this, is just a little hope on her part too? Fully accepting that it may not be. I'm just sayin if she really wants out, she's had the papers in hand since Jan, and has repeatedly said "I'm filing them tomorrow" So whats the hold up? Any idea?
Me 40 W. 38 S. 17 S. 14 S. 12 Married 15yrs "together" 19 Bomb Dropped Aug 8/07 I moved out Sept 09 OM confirmed July 10 She filed D Oct 18/10
Limbo is where you're living. Always holding your life in check, hoping she'll return.
It's your choice. You need to do what is right for you since you'll be the one dealing with the consequences.
I'm facing a similar question as I move out. At what point will I decide to file (assuming she doesn't)?
Holding onto "hope" is a dangerous thing. Trusting in faith that you'll handle any outcome is what I like to think about.
I think that for most people in sitchs like ours, one of two things happens 80% of the time: you'll meet someone you want to have in your life, she'll meet someone she wants to have in her life. The other 20% is reconciliation for some period of time.
5-1 odds isn't bad when it's just money on the line...
3 years in limbo sounds like a slow, torturous hell. I cannot even imagine.
How much longer do you want to live like this?
Fast forward to now, I have been in my own place nearly a year, she now has a boyfriend that is "very special" and will be filing for divorce this week she says. I guess what I am looking for is some advice on what to do next? I have always believed that it is never too late, I believe in the vows we took, and I believe in what we had. My freinds tell me I have to give up, its over. I am hurt and confused, I don't know who is right anymore? my convictions and my love for her tell me to hold on, that it is never too late. But 3 years, and the papers pending delivery.
3 years now, she lives with another man, you've been living alone for a year yourself... what are you waiting for to happen?
My friends advice continues to be that I just file myself. But thats not what I want so why would I do that
Sometimes what we want isn't what we get.
She says I need to let her go, I know I need to let her go
She is telling you that she wants to be let go... so let her go... "Let go or be dragged" as someone on here says...
What the he!! does she want? Just her cake and eat it too???
She has already told you what she wants and more importantly, has shown you. She doesn't WANT cake... she has the cake and is eating it in front of your face, every hour of every day and asking you if you'd like a spoon to share with her.
Do you want to share the cake? Because what you are telling her over and over again is that it's fine for her to live with OM, to stay in this limbo, and do everything she has done w/ zero consequences and that you are fine and no matter what, you are going to take her back.
I think that for most people in sitchs like ours, one of two things happens 80% of the time: you'll meet someone you want to have in your life, she'll meet someone she wants to have in her life. The other 20% is reconciliation for some period of time.
5-1 odds isn't bad when it's just money on the line...
Well, technically, it's "4-to-1," (or "1-in-5"), but hey -- he's on a roll . . .
I think that for most people in sitchs like ours, one of two things happens 80% of the time: you'll meet someone you want to have in your life, she'll meet someone she wants to have in her life. The other 20% is reconciliation for some period of time.
5-1 odds isn't bad when it's just money on the line...
Well, technically, it's "4-to-1," (or "1-in-5"), but hey -- he's on a roll . . .
Starsky
I'm a writer dammit! And when you take a writer's edit function away, all hell breaks loose. (I swear the minute I hit Submit I saw my error).
I think that for most people in sitchs like ours, one of two things happens 80% of the time: you'll meet someone you want to have in your life, she'll meet someone she wants to have in her life. The other 20% is reconciliation for some period of time.
5-1 odds isn't bad when it's just money on the line...
Well, technically, it's "4-to-1," (or "1-in-5"), but hey -- he's on a roll . . .
Starsky
I'm a writer dammit! And when you take a writer's edit function away, all hell breaks loose. (I swear the minute I hit Submit I saw my error).
looks like we found another invite to the poker game this weekend. Starsk the house rules are the noob has to bring the cigars, so you got them.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
