For those that have followed my sitch I think I am at a stage where I am staring at an abyss that I do not know how to get either of us to stand back from. I am drafting a letter at the moment that will virtually end my relationship with my wife.
I look back and I dont know how I came to this point so quickly. This time last week things were going well and i thought that we were getting to a good place.
My sitch is a little bit different in that while my wife and I reconciled I am still living in a seperate country from her. I am trying to get a business going in India that If it works will make a lot of money.
Well the deteriation in our sitch started from what I can see about 1 week ago and as our primary issues before it seems to be all about money. It has been hard while I have been over here - it has taken much longer that what I had ever planned to get the money together for the business (this while close is still not finalised). I have offered a few timnes to throw it in and come home but she has at all times said to stay over here and that I have her support.
Anyway I had on getting back together said I would take on her debts that she had accumukated through the seperation (over 200,000) but it would require the business here to take off. Saying this I have managed to borrow about 60000 off frienbs and family to give to her over the last three months but it now appears to be all gone and from what I see not many of her debts have been paid off.
Anyway over the last week she has been angrier about the money for her debts and she has got her into the position of being dead broke again. This resulted in me borrowing another 7000 for her on the weekend that I thought would make her happy. I have told her she only needs to wait another few weeks and all of the other financial problenms would be gone.
So the crux of our problem is that she has managed (as I found out today) to overdraw her account by 2000 in the last week so apparantly the money I sent her will be gone by the end if the week (this I has hoped would last until the end of this month). So today when I called her she stated that she needed more money by the end of this week.
So the crux if it is that I have no more money to give her. I can borrow off family but she has said that I cant do this. Basically she believes I have stashed money - I have this confirmation from her father and her step father - and that I am deliberately not giving it too her to control her.
I am at the end of my ability to cope with her like this. I have done everything to help her and to give her as good a life as I can. Despite her craving for 'financial' independance she has refused to do even the most basic things like get a job. Her idea of independance is to live her 'cafe culture lifestyle' without ever having to do anything herself. It is not as of she has a hard life - she lives in a very expensive rental property and drives a luxury sports car and manages to eat out every night.
So where I am is that she has 'demanded' that i provde her more money. I do not have more money to provide her. She says that I am hiding money from her and am using this to control her. Today we had three phonecalls all of which ended up with her yelling and hanging up on me. As she hung up the last time I managed to yell in the words "Its Finished'.
I really dont know what to do now, I really feel just like throwing my hands up and walking away from all of this. I have to make a decision quickly as I have just finalied an aditional 60000 through refinancing our properties which will be ready to go by the end of the week- this was going to go to her.
Needless to say I dont want this to proceed in the current climate
Anyway my plan tomorrow is to all her and see what her frame of mind is. My strong feeling is that it will be more of today. If this is the case I will then send her a letter by fax which basically say I take no more responsibility for her position - which will put us back to where we were 6 months ago.
I would really appreciate any thoughts or advice here. I do care about this woman enorously but I cant go like we are at the moment.
Help
Andrew
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To go forward you have to put the past behind you
