Just don't know what to do anymore

[Nvrgivup]

Hello again I'm back.
I guess I decided to write today because I'm looking for some input or even advice. I'm desperately trying to figure out what is going on with my sitch with my stbxw. Though having just written that I realize that maybe "trying to figure it out" is the problem. So anyways here is my dilemma, Back in August my wife called me and let the "OM new relationship" cat out of the bag after denying it for some time. She told me that she was going to file the divorce within the next day or so and I would be served the papers within the week. They never came. We had little to no contact during that time, when we finally talked nearly 2 months later she again said that she was to file within days and to expect the papers, again they never came. Finally last week I called her out on it, she gave me a hundred excuses for why she hadn't done it (all BS lame excuses) but that after this conversation she was absolutely going to do it the next day, this was her final decision and was heading for the courthouse the very next day. Well 10 days later now, still no papers and to the best of my knowledge she never did go to the court to file. I should explain that there is nothing to contend in the D, we have a separation agreement in place that has already laid out all the issues, the D is just the formality at this point. Lawyers are paid etc. I know that for my part I have always thought that she really doesn't want to D, but cannot look to salvage anything at this point for a variety of reasons, but I do still hold out that "never too late hope" So I guess my question is; Is this just a power trip? Her looking to control, may she still be confused and not know what she really wants? I'm trying to be very careful not to see too much "false hope" but at the same time she says over and over that this is what she truly wants yet never follows through with it? I don't want the D obviously, but the constant "threat" and anticipation of being served any day now is really keeping me stuck. I'm trying to be patient, trying to DB, GAL etc. My friends advice continues to be that I just file myself. But thats not what I want so why would I do that, I know that my sitch got this far because of my many anti DB mistakes made so far. Has anybody else been through something similar, from either side of the coin? She says I need to let her go, I know I need to let her go, and I am working hard at it, but it seems she won't let me go either, I've tried to set boundries, and tell her if thats what she wants to do, then just do it already. She knows what I want, and that by not filing that she is feeding my hope. What the he!! does she want? Just her cake and eat it too???