Watch how you talk to yourself. You think anyone on this earth over 18 hasn't done something they regretted? It's called a mistake, mistakes normally have consequences, it's the wise person who let's experience teach them.
This is temporary and doesn't define you. You can handle it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I understand that you feel abandonded but the distinction is important. You weren't and you should remind yourself of that when those feelings creep in.
True, we know that SOA wasn't physically abandoned by her H. She was, IMO, emotionally abandoned. I get very frustrated and upset when I hear people minimizing the long-lasting, destructive effect of neglect. It's very real to the person who's being neglected, it can be devastating. I've been there and the loneliness is unimaginably overwhelming. It makes a person desperate for any little sign from anyone that they matter; that they're important and are valued. Hang in there SOA.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Even though I just posted, it's not letting me edit my post. I clicked submit in error when I really wanted to switch screens.
In order to really heal from this you have to accept what you did and understand why you did it, until you quit justifying it you aren't accepting it fully. You have rejected 3 IC's so far and anyone here who has tried to hold you accountabe for your actions. It's part of the recovery process. The sooner you stop fighting it and really hear what I'm(and others) saying the sooner you can move forward.
You deserve to forgive and heal. Stop with the defensive comments so you can get there.
I understand that you feel abandonded but the distinction is important. You weren't and you should remind yourself of that when those feelings creep in.
True, we know that SOA wasn't physically abandoned by her H. She was, IMO, emotionally abandoned. I get very frustrated and upset when I hear people minimizing the long-lasting, destructive effect of neglect. It's very real to the person who's being neglected, it can be devastating. I've been there and the loneliness is unimaginably overwhelming. It makes a person desperate for any little sign from anyone that they matter; that they're important and are valued. Hang in there SOA.
Both my W and I could write volumes about being neglected in a relationship. It's horrible to feel trapped in a relationship where one or both partners have withdrawn.
FindingMyVoice, I am in no way minimizing her experience. However, there is a differnce between really understanding what you've done and why vs making excuses. Right now, SoA is still sounding like she's making excuses. That's why it seems like I'm being so hard on her. I want her to get that so she can move past it.
After she accepts the reality she's in, she can begin to unravel how she got there. Naturally, it's not all her fault. Her H will have some responsibility in getting the M in trouble. BUT, she cannot allow herself to see that as justifications for what she did. See the difference?
Maybe adandoned isn't the right word to describe it. Sounds like neglect, lack of communication, and no real intimacy. My POV.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I agree with FMV here--neglect absolutely destroys a relationship. However, I do'nt think it justifies cheating, ever. But it is understandable to feel LONELY as hell when you feel someone is withdrawing for you or intentionally doing it (especially in those cases).
Soa, you sound like you do understand what you did. And I agree with Blue that in order to heal, you have to won what you did and find the root cause of it.
Yes, you did a very bad thing. It would be worse if you did not feel bad about what you did at all. You are not evil. I read something once that was along the lines of not punishing yourself constantly for misdeeds--that if you repeat the misdeed, then you haven't learned but if you do learn, then you have grown.
