WAW 20 years and wants out

[TimeHeals]

She cant keep it going, I am not going to allow it.

Look, I think you have everything a bit backward here.

She can do whatever she wants to do whether you allow it or not.

You can do whatever you want to do whether she likes it or not.

That is reality.

You cannot control her, and I get a vibe that this is exactly what you are trying to do.

But just because you can't control her doesn't mean you have to tollerate disrespect of allow somebody else to abuse you and your trust.

You do have a choice, but making her do something is not one of them.

That is clear and the boundry remains

Uhh huh. A boundary isn't a boundary if you won't enforce it.

[Pensacolabroken]

Time,

that is what meant by not allowing it. I didnt mean to say I was not going to allow her to keep doing what she wants, I cant control that. I am saying I am not going to allow it to change my boundry or my feelings of self respect. I am learning a lot about myself. I am seeing that life will go on no matter what.

I have stated I have set the boundry. I am allowing her some time to process it. The bend not the break. I have learned I am very intense and want the result today, now, this minute. That is controlling behavior.. it is insane behavior.. I cant control anything except myself. truth be told, I dont want to. If the end of the day she stays with him, that is her choice. I will know if she respects my boundry soon enough.

[Pensacolabroken]

Sandi, no I am glad I didnt leave the note because I heard you when you said it was a like a dear john letter.. and that is not honorable.

and I dont know what the hug meant. but I didnt persue and go all melty either.

I couldnt wait for your reply because she seized the iniative.

she also asked this morning if she could go boating with me and my son tomorrow.

[Serenity13]

Pen~

What your W is doing by not telling you the complete truth all at once is called trickle truth and it is complete and utter BS. By just telling you a little at a time, she keeps you on the edge of the cliff.

It allows her to continue her bogus behavior while you sit and spin.

(((Hugs)))

[Coach]

oh and make no mistake she has not agreed to the boundry yet. I see that and will not back off that

she also asked this morning if she could go boating with me and my son tomorrow.

You know the answer, right?

[Pensacolabroken]

tell her I have decided that just he and I are going to go.. I need the time.

[TimeHeals]

Maybe just, "Naw, me ___ need some guy time".

Seriously, phrasing? Who knows, but you do need time away from this crazy drama, and bringing her along will probably just ruin the whole experience.

[Pensacolabroken]

agree.

I sent her a text telling her "I was thinking about tomorrow, I just want to go boating with S and I. I want to think about some things also. I thnk we will leave around __ am . We will see you when we get home."

[pinhead]

PB,

Don't tell her cruft like "I want to think about some things also." That's a passive aggressive attempt to make her curious about what you're thinking.

Here's better:

"I just want to take S boating by ourselves. We'll be back at XYZ:pm."

If you see the word "think" in any of your emails or texts, wipe it out. It's indecisive.

[Pensacolabroken]

Wife replied

ok

then 5 minutes later:
What are you going to tell our son, this morning you invited me and made it a point to tell him I am going.

I replied: I will tell him the truth. We are going to have some guy time. We will back in the early afternoon.

she said

OK