Even though I just posted, it's not letting me edit my post. I clicked submit in error when I really wanted to switch screens.
In order to really heal from this you have to accept what you did and understand why you did it, until you quit justifying it you aren't accepting it fully. You have rejected 3 IC's so far and anyone here who has tried to hold you accountabe for your actions. It's part of the recovery process. The sooner you stop fighting it and really hear what I'm(and others) saying the sooner you can move forward.
You deserve to forgive and heal. Stop with the defensive comments so you can get there.
