Watch how you talk to yourself. You think anyone on this earth over 18 hasn't done something they regretted? It's called a mistake, mistakes normally have consequences, it's the wise person who let's experience teach them.
This is temporary and doesn't define you. You can handle it.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.