The difference 3 months has made in my life

[ericmsant2]

TAMF,

I assume that you have seen my response to Alb and the two of you seem to be in a similar sitch.

I am analyzing and thinking too much. I am constantly wondering if what I say or do is the right thing.

So you are struggling if you should use Scott Paper towel or Bounty uh….

I think you answered yourself below

When I should just be living my life not wondering if my actions are affecting my H.

But it is so ding-dong hard to actually do

No one said this chit was easy and hey based on your signature you have only been at this for a few months. So girly, put on the big girl panties already will ya!

that when all I really want is for my H to love me again.

Why not just keep falling in love with yourself…..

Can you control YOUR H?

How do you recieve love?

I am detaching...

Are you? If I recall you just had an “episode” a few days ago. Is that detachment? I am not saying you were wrong what I am saying is that your ACTIONS need to speak NOT your words. IMO, you sent your H mixed signals. He got what he wanted. YOU rewarded bad behavior.

I told him that I am causing him to lie again...only this time to the OW.

Great way to feed his ego IMO. Do you think that he is accepting responsibility for his actions when he gets to have both of YOU? Did you cause HIM to lie? Really? is that what you think?

As a man, and one who went through his own crisis (and I am not YOUR H), I can tell you that he will fu*k with your head. He will tell you anything that you need to hear so that HE does not have to make a choice. Pretty good deal for HIM that is….how about TAMF? Can TAMF feel good thinking she is the OW?

I know he tells her that he loves her,

Do you know for sure? Are you in the room with them? To me, this is YOUR insecurity speaking.

but he spends all this time with me. He has had sex with me.

Why shouldn’t he spend more time with you. Once again, he gets the best of both worlds. What does TAMF get outside of an "X" (I'll let you figure out what X is)? That really is the question isn’t it.

I KNOW he hasn't told her that.

Do you know that? What if he did and she said she was fine with it. Then how would YOU feel? Do you wanna be the OM?

he keeps saying that he doesn't want anymore lies - no more secrets in his life - and yet he is now doing it again with the OW!

His ACTIONS should speak NOT his words.

ll of this lying was making me feel like the OW.

Do YOU like feeling like the OW? If not, then what will YOU do about it? I am not saying go file, I am saying how about TAMF say to herself that she deserves what she gives, which is a commitment to ONE person – not TWO.

When I told him this, he said,"YOU R MY WIFE NOT THE OW!" I told him that tech. I am, but we are no longer in a relationship.

Depends on how YOU define an R. He may have a different definition of an R right now. What if this is HIS definition? Are you comfortable with it?

It isn't right and I don't want any part of it anymore.

This ^^^^^ is the best thing I read in your post. Can you live up to it?

He sat there and said that he honestly doesn't know what he wants - a life with me or a life with her.

Chit does he have to choose….if I was him, what’s the rush. I get to have you sexually and come over when I want and hey when I want the other one – I get her too. So what is the rush.

It is all he thinks about. He doesn't sleep anymore and is having anxiety attacks for the first time in his life.

It probably is. Is that YOUR problem? Did you go and f*ck someone else and complicate YOUR M? NO – I suspect not. His problem….yet I can see YOU still trying to fix it for him. Ohh…..poor…poor…hubby….let me make it all better and maybe you will come back to me.

Fu*k dat TAMF – You deserve better and so does he. He deserves the time that you give him to figure his own chit out. You deserve to become the woman that you want to be in your life. A woman that can stand on her conviction and beliefs. A woman that does not NEED a man to validate her. A woman that wants a man to WANT her and SHOW her…not by words but by ACTIONS. And more importantly a woman that is HEALED and HEALTHY.

FTR, I miss my W - I really do. Guess what, she will either accept me for who I am and who I have become or guess what? She can go pound sand. She does not define me anymore. Does that mean I hurt any less - no it means that I love myself and understand that I deserve the best in my life. Right now, my W cannot give me that. Can she in the future? Who knows? what I do know is that this time is for both of us. My gift to her, her gift to me. I only say this to you as an example TAMF...only as an example.

He is terrified that if he gives the OW up and goes back to me, that I will eventually figure out that I hate him and then we will be miserable. He doesn't think we could get past this.

His feelings – that HE will need to deal with.

The last couple of days, he has withdrawn. little to no communication.

Read the MLC resources again….he peeked out and went running back in. The bigger questions is does this change what you do for you? Or were you making these changes just to get him back? Be honest TAMF….be honest….is this new YOU OR just a trick to get him back or is this new you…the real you? Only you have the answer and no need to tell me. Hey, as someone once said to me….”I’m just words on a screen”!

Question is...did he ask me to take the time off to spend time with me or just to help him with the house? Who knows?

Answer – stop trying to figure out what he is thinking and worry about what TAMF is thinking.

I am just tired of everything :-)

This MLC chit isn’t for the weak of heart. Think ya strong enough? Think ya got what it takes? If so, then don’t tell me or him – SHOW HIM!

Hey TAMF – one question for YOU…

What does RESPECT mean to YOU?

You can do better TAMF - I know you can!

God Bless,
Eric