Those who's WAW wanted to work on M

[TimeHeals]

Maybe a naive piece of optimistic foolishness from my childhood, but what about the idea of real commitment? What about the idea of having someone you can rely on to not abandon you in challenging times? We throw around these statements like "Your W is bored and unfulfilled", which is supposed to explain why she's bolting out of the marriage.

Maybe if we all selected mates and felt attraction to qualities like trustworthiness, consistency, truthfullness, and so on, you'd have a stronger point?

Those are important qualities. Don't get me wrong, but the "truth" is that most of our relationships are based on attatchment, and attachment is based on a lot of other things too: their is attraction, perceived strength, humour, and most importantly how they make us feel about ourselves that factor into attachment.

This is why self-soothing and self-validating are so important. Without such skills, our relationships are simply about attachment, and they are unfulfilling because they are really about dependency and codependency.

So... in the real world (assuming you aren't going to spend the rest of your life trying to attain enlightenment in some Budhist Monestary), attachment requires some understanding, care, and feeding of its own, and it helps to develop your own ability to self-soothe and self-validate along the way so you aren't completely dependent on others to be fulfilled in a relationship.