I asked my Son to move in with is Mother. He is 21. It made sense since she is living in his house and he has to renovate it for her before she will be willing take over his mortgage by buying it.
Now it seems I never hear from him. I think the age group he is in and his girlfriend have a lot to do with it. He is tired of all the old drama between me and his Mother but that has come to an end now.
They will come around. Usually in their late 20s or early 30s is when they realize that Mom or Dad were right.
Of course nobody is right when it comes to the divorce other than the fact that "Dad" didnt want it and was willing to fight for it. Perhaps Mom has swayed him to her own logic. Who knows, but I doubt it since there was no true logic there to justify destroying the family in the first place.
Good luck with your Son.
Me:48 W:55 M:22 T:23 Bomb:19Nov09 S:15Jan10 D:11Feb10 EA:Confirmed on 20Apr10 Fast track to her divorcing me
Sorry to hear of your frustration with Tom's behavior.
I see you have asked for input. I think he needs to be an adult for a while, especially if he is being disrespectful to you. Adults are responsible for their expenses, not their parents. It is natural for children to respond to boundaries with anger. The anger turns to remorse and acceptance of the boundary. It takes time to go through the process....
HUGS
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Sorry Katie. I wouldn't be paying for his cell phone or giving him the car. If he wants to continue to be on your plan then he can pay his portion to you. However, I would think that he would probably decide to get his own. It's time. I was married at his age.
I paid my way through college and didn't expect my parents to pay anything. Granted I was working full time, going to school full time and my parents let me be at home rent free. I paid my own insurance too. So yes they helped, I have never denied that. However I was rarely there except to sleep.
You are a very kind lady. Don't give up on him but let him be on his own with all of this for a bit.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
My oldest son came down to see the play I was in and stayed overnight. We had a fun conversation and I gave him his graduation present (the one step below the current iPhone). He said he'd never seen my email but our rapport seemed much better and more upbeat. He called two days later, saying how in love he was with the iPhone and that he was getting his own plan. When I received a text from Verizon saying that phone line had been removed, a tear came to my eye.. one of those maternal heartstrings being plucked out. I didn't expect that.
I lowered the price of the house dramatically, got a really low bid and am in negotiations. Of course I flipped out initially, was obstinate about not going much lower. Now I'm feeling a little more flexible. Change, especially big change and making decisions alone scare the daylights out of me. I also confirmed that I can afford a mortgage and buy a nice enough condo. I'm reminding myself, simpler is better. And I really don't want to spend another cold winter in this house with the heat down so low.
Being in the play was great.. getting me out of myself and around other people. I did a great job, had an incredible time, and performed before more than a thousand people by the time the show closed. Making friends and having the cast over helped reawaken the fun of being social.
I'm trying to move forward with this momentum.. even though I'm so nervous about trying to find a job. I seem to prefer fretting over what I should do rather than actually DOING it. Sheesh.
I made sort of a new 'friend' today while talking to a tech with my financial institution. We were having fun chatting during the conversation, exchanged emails and found each other on Facebook. We both passed the initial impression criteria. I warned him if he looked like a guy who'd hammer nails in his ears I wasn't going any farther. It was fun to feel a 'tingle' and somewhat reassuring to be a bit of a distance away. It felt good to laugh. I was the one who mentioned I'd like to meet him (gasp!). He gave me his email address. I gave him mine and said it was up to him to contact me. A first.. well... a first in quite a long time.
I also went to a Reiki share evening with a new friend. Folks who know Reiki share their energy, working on each other. I did the Soft Touch massage (not Reiki, but another type of energy work). The woman who was running the share, a Reiki master, was moved by how much compassion and love just ooze from me when I was working on other people. Another interesting thing about working on healthy people (rather than folks in the ICU) is how different the energy feels. It's much calmer.
My mother in law took a fall, is in a lot of pain but is being well cared for. I think I'm going to go see her this weekend and see if the kids (who may be coming down this weekend) would want to go see her, too. She's 93 and something like that (especially since she's in so much pain) can be very taxing to her system. I have this whole fear of people I love dying so am extra motivated to getting up there.
It is funny how we raise these little creatures and yet seem surprised when they actually leave. I hope I have a couple more years before I face that one.
I am glad that you were able to have a good time with your oldest. It seems as if he may be a bit torn between being on his own or hanging on to being a kid a tad bit longer. Don't take it personally, he loves you.
Sorry to hear about your MIL. I hope she gets better and that you can enjoy some time together. You are such a kind and wonderful person. I can feel it all the way over here!
Good luck with the house. hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Well.. my oldest son called to set up a time for us to meet at the DMV to sign over the car and invited me to see his new digs. He's taking me out to dinner, too. How neat. I'm pretty excited... and relieved.
I went to see my mother in law this weekend. They're thinking she fractured her back because of the pain she's in. I spent 4 hours with her, chatting, doing the Soft Touch hand massage she loves, some Reiki, and overall catching up. While talking I told her that as bad as the divorce was, it could have been worse if I'd lost my relationship with her and her daughters. "Kathleen, you're one of us." was her reply. It's something I'm very thankful for.
A friend of hers dropped by the assisted living area she's in until her back heals and asked her is she'd been walking at all. "You mean she can.. is supposed to WALK?" Needless to say, my mother in law and I went cruising around the hallways after that. It always feels good.. soothing to see her.
I told her about an idea I had about providing a Divorce Class.. or some catchy title like "My Marriage is WHAT??" It would be a basic outline of the effects on kids, the legal rights and ramifications (emotionally, financially) and reading guide. It's like having kids.. they don't come with a manual. Having an idea of what divorce entails is being forewarned and forearmed.. kinda like knowing you never want to audited by the IRS.
I'm in the cast for Miracle on 34th Street... nine performances over three weekends with five or six weeks of rehearsals. I have a small part (the caring maid to Mom and daughter, Susan who learns to believe in Santa).. I say "Oh my" a lot and carry no props! Yay!
I didn't contact the tech guy.. feel too skeeved out.
Yesterday I received the following text from my daughter while she was in school:
I'm just lettong you know if i die that i love you.
My response: Awww... ILY2.. *hugs* What's up with the dying?
Turns out the school had an emergency evacuation resulting in total chaos, rumors of a bomb threat surfaced and then the kids had early dismissal. I was already on the way. When I got there, kids and cars were pouring out of the school lot with an increasing number of police officers urgently directing the traffic and movement. Definitely unsettling but the school has a great head master who takes charges and acts in the best interests of the students.
Later that evening I had dinner with my oldest son and his girlfriend where they live (@ an hour away). While dining she asked me if I knew that she'd met the former spouse. "No, I didn't but how was it?" She said he was a nice guy, that his wife was off in Greece so he had some free time to see them. It was the first time my son had seen his dad since Christmas.
Two things... I figure my son's relationship is getting more serious since she really wanted to meet all members of our family. The other, I'm not so proud of. I really wanted to hear that she thought the former spouse was a schmuck. Hmmm... I guess I don't like him too much. Have to keep working on letting go of the animosity.
I'm just lettong you know if i die that i love you.
Aww. That is sweet (even if it's a lil morbid). Those Reiki massages sound like a dream. Glad to hear the play went well. You are sounding really good in your posts!
