cheated on, lied to, and now I am moving on

[awest1217]

Having a rough time. I am really tired because I didn't sleep well last night. I didn't feel well all weekend. So far no major symptoms so I guess my body is doing it's best to fight this thing.

Also today is the day exactly one year ago that H left me again, but this time without a fight (at least until he left his ipod and I read an e-mails between H and OW about H getting D'd and how he needed to remember his winter clothes, although he was telling me that he would be back in a few weeks). Of course he never came back, and that started the worst part of my life. I spiralled downward for a while. Hard to think back on that because I wasted so much time trying to get him back just to fail. The only good part is I became stronger and better person.

Also with this thinking about how one day I will be alone and that will be weird. This weekend I spent Saturday night with my B and SIL and another couple. It was my B and SIL's 6 year anniversary and the other couples 5 year anniversary is next weekend. Very sad to me because I am not apart of that anymore and I don't see myself ever being a part of that again. I don't feel right now like I could ever put myself out there, and with S and my job I don't have the time. S is dropped off by H at 7 on his weekends and that is my only time without S. Plus the point that there is not even one single guy around that I know doesn't help. I am totally against the online thing (although I am ok with others doing it) because that is how H would get his online sex partners. I don't want any part of that because H lied about everythign to these girls and knowing my luck that is who I would end up attracting so no go for me.

As you can tell just a little down right now, but I will be up again soon. This week is a full week and next week is a 3 day week and I am heading to TN for S and my 1st vacation just the two of us. It is to my step-brother's wife's baby shower (we are closer than the title) and it should be fun. My check engine light is now on all the tiem so hopefully I hear from the dealer today or tomorrow like they said I would. Finally, nothing from the L which is really starting to annoy me.

[Lucky11too]

Just to comment on your above posts, you are an awesome mom! Although staying home with your sick child and taking care of him seems obvious, it's not necessarily to other parents. I know my own SIL is oblivious to that thing called "parenting" and sacrifice and I'm sure you've seen that tons with students at your own school.

I'm sorry you are feeling down but it is completely understandable. I remember this time so well for you last year. What a huge blow! The only thing that can really give you solace now looking back is the fact that, like you said, you have become a stronger and better person from it all.

I've been thinking about life past H too in regards to finding someone else. I know you had to dig in deep to see if you were ok with being single the rest of your life and that's a question that i've had to ask too. I have noticed as well that it seems all the "good guys" are either married or in a serious R. It's a little discouraging, but on the otherhand, I keep reminding myself that there are others out there like us - good people who found ourselves in bad R's or just never found the right one to begin with. Although your schedule is not exactly easy, the "right guy" will be willing to work with that too - whether it's lunch dates to begin with and if it becomes more serious and you are ready to introduce him to S, outings all together. I know it's hard to think about that now, but don't completely write another man in your future off. Sometimes I think you can't overpush it - sometimes it just happens!

[awest1217]

Very overwhelmed and stressed tonight. I have science fair stuff starting, plus the end of the tri, plus our church harvest party this weekend, plus I am now teaching a sunday school class on top of being in charge of the whole thing, plus meetings all morning on thursday, plus still no one has called me back about my car, plus the L hasn't contacted me since the Oct 1 when I asked what was up, plus I am in charge of our youth group account...

As you can tell a lot, and not really a lot of me time. Now this weekend is the first in over a month where H has S and I have nothing major to do so that is good, but still...I feel right now like I can't catch a break. It would really help if I could get my car fixed and get the L to do the work and get my D done. The hard part of the D will be the property agreement if H owes me anything, but I won't know until the L is done with whatever is done with splitting the assets (not sure how the car works since there is still a loan on it with both of our names on it and the house has an upside down mortgage so I am not sure how that will effect things). I just want that done. The work stuff I can handle and once I get used to teaching Sunday School and running it, I will be fine. It is just all the extra stuff.

As a funny...I had a student tell me that I should ask another student what he was talking about in 1st hour. I ask, but he wouldn't tell me. Finally I find out that he told everyone in first hour that "Mrs. is looking good today". Made me laugh and smile. One of this student's friends said it is all of his group that all think I am good looking. So so funny!

Off to bed!

[ClingingToHope]

That is a lot and I thought I was stressed. Hey, when you wake up can you jump over to my thread and tell me if I got the brushoff. I need a female perspective on it.

[awest1217]

UGH! I called the L yesterday and H never sent the paperwork to the L. I am mad for two reasons. 1. I told L that if he doesn't get them to her by X date to start bugging him for it, which she didn't. 2. I am mad that H didn't send it. I called H and asked waht was up. He said he had faxed it (which I doubt). I said maybe he got the wrong fax number so I text him the fax number I have and told the L that if she doesn't get it by today then she should take the next step. THIS SHOULD HAVE ALL BEEN DONE A MONTH AGO!!!! AAHH!!!

Second, I called the dealer for my car and GM still won't release anything to them. I have a road trip to TN this week. I have been trying to get my car fixed for a month. I can't drive all the way to TN worried about my car. I think it would be fine, but not a wise decision. SO now to call GM and spend all day fighting with them. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

On top of all of that, S has been very cranky the last two days (full moon?). Last night I called my B because I was stressed with the two things above plus the principal said teachers are not doing enough to help students and I just wanted to scream because I give students so much help before tests that they shouldn't get retakes, but no he wants us to reteach and have them retake stuff. When will some responsibility fall on teh students to study and do what the teacher says before the 1st test? I let the students make a notecard and use it on the test (many don't do this). I also make a crossword or jeopardy that has questions from the test on it (reworded a little, but still the same ideas), but they don't do that. If they would do what I give them then they would take the test BEFORE taking my test and be completely prepared, but they won't...anyway....My nephew and S were crazy and fussy and screaming.

On the good, my sister and friend are comign over tonight for a girl's night so that should be fun.

[awest1217]

Called GM and they "don't have the part available yet". WHAT?!?!!? The recall was announced at the end of August. I have a car that stalls randomly when I am driving (the scariest time was when I was turning left at a light luckily I had plenty of time). I will be getting a call this afternoon to find out what they are going to do about this because I am tired of waiting.

[v1olin]

Sorry to hear about your legal problems but there is nothing more frustrating than a car that quits on you! Hope you can get it fixed soon.

[soleil]

Re: the online thing--we have something in common. Getting ready for our Valentine's Day dinner 1 year after we married, I discovered my stbx's sex profile. He said he was "living w/ someone" and had posted up pics of himself that I myself had taken.

Girl, you are MUCH better off!

The only good part is I became stronger and better person.

Hey now! That is a BIG good part! You ahve come a long way in the past year, Awest and taht is awesome. Just thinik back to where you were and now hwer eyou are. the lows are a normal but you are moving on just as you should be, though it may not feel like it.

[awest1217]

Update on GM: they said they can't do anything until November when the recall becomes "official". They want me to pay for the repairs and they will reimburse me who knows when. I told them that was unacceptable and "what happens if I get into a wreck?" They then said they will see what they can do. The press release came out in August. The national highway safety administration said it was official in September. I don't understand why if they know his is a problem and I can prove I have a problem, then why do I have to wait until some arbitrary day when they say it is official to make my car safe for me and my son.

In other news I had fun with my friend and sister. We stayed up until 5am talking and laughing. The bad part is S woke up with pink eye. He has eye drops but it is so hard to put them in because I have to hold him down and I feel so bad, plus the eye drops burn. More good news I got candy for my students and 3 christmas presents today and saved $30. I love saving money!

Next week is a 3 day week so hopefully I will get to enjoy my weekend away in TN with S and my family.

[Reincarnated]

Tip about the eye drops - put them on the inner corner of his eyelids while they are closed (he can even be sleeping). Then use your fingers to gently open the lid and let the drops drain in.