MLC WIFE THREATENS LEGAL ACTION

[Bobby O]

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[seeking answers]

Bobby,

Sounds like you pulled off a great party! Congrats to your son and his fiancee!

Eric is right. The MLCer will use anything they can to justify their actions. Some of the excuses are ridiculous. One of the ones my H used on me a year ago is that I hadn't planted some flowers he had brought home. It didn't seem to matter to him that the rototiller he told me he'd fix and till up the flower bed for me didn't happen. Or that I was very busy putting together the wedding reception for my son and DIL so that I didn't get to it by hand.

Oh well, it seems like any excuse will do...

[Bobby O]

Thanks My sister-in-law who is close tomy wife called and wanted to know how I was. She knew that Virginia had threatned legal action. She even said that her sister is mixed up and needs space. She said she was surprised I have been so supportive of my wife since she first dropped the bomb a year ago. My wife called tonight but I did not pick up the phone and there was no voice mail. I appreciate everyone helping me. I dont know what I would do if I did not have the input of all you wonderful people. Bobby O

[seeking answers]

Keep doing what you're doing. Protect yourself, but let your wife do all the work as far as the legal aspect.

Good for you with not picking up the phone. If it was serious she would have left a message. If she was calling to use you as her emotional punching bag, it's fine to avoid it. It sounds like she has a lot of issues that she must work out for herself. Blaming you will not help her do this. It just gives her an excuse not to look within.

It sounds as though you're doing the mirror work on yourself. Keep going, you won't regret it.

Must be you're impressing the in-laws with your changes. Way to go!

[ericmsant2]

Bobby

I agree with Seeking that it was a good thing that you do not pick up the phone. Given her stance on the legal approach I suggest that you limit all contact with her or as much as possible.

Keep us posted.

[Bobby O]

I was on call last night and I had a call and picked up the phone and realized it was my wife. She asked if I had left for work and if not could I print some notes she needed for class. I told her I would leave it for her and did exactly what she wanted. She, however became upset because she claimed I did the wrong thing and somehow stated how I never followed instructions when asked to do things. She did say she appreciated my help but it was not what she told me. Well, to make a long story short she went on to show me what I did wrong and guess what? She was wrong and she realized it. She became quiet and humbled. I told her I had to go to work and to have a good day. I was nice and did not have to say I told you because she knew she was wrong. This was huge as she never admitted she made a mistake. Boby O

[ericmsant2]

So Bobby - what did you take from last nights exchange? What did you think of it?

Bobby - what areas about Bobby are you working on?

I keep seeing you post about W.

W did this

W did that

W said this

W said that

Hey Bobby - what are YOU doing to make Bobby the best that Bobby can be?

Eric

[Bobby O]

I may need a pep talk. Last evening my daughter went to a concert without my knowledge. Her mother knew and gave her permission to go. The issue is that my daughter was dropped off by friends at my house at 11:30 pm; and then my daughter asked me to take her to her mothers house. I told her to call her mother and the feedback was she was asleep and that I should take her to my wifes house. I refused and told my daughter she would stay the night at my house and go to school in the am. My daughter apparently did not like this and at 1 am my dogs barked and I heard the side door close. I saw my daughter was not in the house so I called my wife who said she had picked Katie up. I asked her why I was not informed of the concert and why she assumed I would agree to take katie to her place when I was not aware of plans. She hung up on me. I sent her a text message saying I was not a doormat and was not for her quick fix in her plans. Things are getting very frustrating for me. She has not said anything more about divorce papers and just seems to be very angry and stressed. Is there something I am missing here? Bobby O

[ericmsant2]

Bobby,

I may need a pep talk.

I am not sure that you need a pep talk as much as YOU need to go back and re-read the resources on MLC.

Do you understand what YOUR W may be going through? If so, explain it to me please.

Last evening my daughter went to a concert without my knowledge. Her mother knew and gave her permission to go.

Can you say “co-parenting”. What does this mean to YOU Bobby?

Put aside what happened yesterday, what are you going to do to make sure that this type of communication breakdown does not occur again?

Stop looking at the problem and focus on looking for solutions. Solutions that work for the kids and YOU – not your W.

I refused and told my daughter she would stay the night at my house and go to school in the am. My daughter apparently did not like this and at 1 am my dogs barked and I heard the side door close. I saw my daughter was not in the house so I called my wife who said she had picked Katie up.

Welcome to the world of kid pitting parents against each other during a “potential” divorce. You will need to figure out what boundaries and limits you are going to want to set as it relates to the kids. This is not going to be easy, so my advice is to think about it, post your thoughts here and then act when you know what is best for the kids.

I asked her why I was not informed of the concert and why she assumed I would agree to take katie to her place when I was not aware of plans.

Was that Bobby trying to TELL HER that she does not have a RIGHT to make a decision on what to do in regards to HER child? Bobby, who was responsible for the majority of the parenting in the past? Your W or YOU? And since you QUESTIONED HER…you now got….

She hung up on me.

THIS ^^^^^ - you challenged…you tried to impose YOUR thoughts and opinions and right now Bobby this is ABOUT her. Ya see, this is why we tell you NOT to try and impose a boundary UNLESS you are really ready to enforce it. Your not Bobby – your just not. Not yet….that time will come though.

I sent her a text message saying I was not a doormat and was not for her quick fix in her plans.

You are only a doormat if that is how you feel. Ask yourself…was this worth it? Really was it?

Things are getting very frustrating for me.

This chit aint for the weak at heart. Or another way to say it…it aint for wussies. I am not call you a wus…I am just telling you that you may be in for one hell of a ride and you have to ask yourself can you take it. Can you Bobby? Remember all of those post about just how much you love her? Remember your undying commitment to her? Time to show her bud – and you show her by……by what Bobby – you tell me.

She has not said anything more about divorce papers and just seems to be very angry and stressed.

What do you think she is going to share all of her tricks with you? She may not be thinking about it, she just may? Are you here just to save your marriage or your soul?

Is there something I am missing here?

Yes – you keep thinking that something you do or say will change this. You keep thinking that by being really nice she will just wake the f*ck up. Go read the resources Bobby. Read ‘em a few times. Realize that her journey is about HER. Your needs, feelings do not matter right now (the key word being now). So we keep telling you to make this about YOU Bobby. We keep telling YOU to focus on YOU Bobby. We keep telling YOU to work on yourself. And dude – I don’t see you doing that.

What I see is you constantly talking about her…about what she is doing to poor old Bobby. Fuc* that Bobby – go live your life dude. Let her figure her chit out, when she does she may look at you and realize that what YOU HAVE BECOME….is really what she wants.

Stop looking at her Bobby – please.

God Bless,
Eric

[Bobby O]

I need to do my homework again. Thanks. Bobby O