JIN, FWIW< I have been told many times and have come to believe it as true, that Db actually hurt me more because of the emotional abuse I lived with. It simply put me in the same position as you - to be the only one trying to hold the M together while H goes his merry way and does what he wants, makes false promises that he doesn't keep, etc.
I also haved viewed our relationship with rose colored glasses and now that I"m taking them off I can't believe how long I believed in something that wasn't there from H. He was always smarter, more business savvy, made much more money, had good reasons for everything, was good looking and in great health, was a good provider and I still struggle with feeling angry at him and believing he is wrong. I always take his word for things as something I have done wrong.
I know this now from therapy and this is how I am taking off the glasses. Although I am scared to be a single parent, to have no money, to be alone, and because I have low self esteem in general, I struggle with letting go. But like you I see there is no way to work out a relationship with somebody who blames me for everything and just wants me to be quiet and perfect and do what he says.
