Interesting observation from young friend... I picked her up from the airport and we were talking about the things I had done around the house. New appliances (replacing 17 year old ones) - some landscaping - pool excavation. She says you have done more things in a month than you have all these years with H. H was not a "finisher" - LOTS of incomplete projects. She continued by saying "I never understood why it didn't bother you." I thought about this and realized that all this time I thought I was being "low maintenance" - didn't care about materialistic things really - just focused on giving kids lots of experiences and making lots of memories - which we did. Amazing ones! I let H make me feel as if we didn't deserve to have the nice things because of "overindulging" the kids. And I went happily along with it because as long as I had him - I didn't need anything else. So friend asks me how it feels to have done these things - she said "you should have seen your middle D's face when she saw the refrigerator!" I really can't answer yet how it makes me feel. In some ways scared, not sure why. In some ways secure. In some ways proud. In some ways sad. Have I blindly allowed H to send a message to the world that our marriage and I weren't of value? Was I closing my eyes and holding on for dear life trying to keep him? The things I am learning....another blessing!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
