Lying and Cheating

[midlifewife]

My h is in classic MLC, we have been separated and he is having an EA, hopefully just EA. He will not admit a thing and even turns it around around and makes me feel horrible for not believing in him. I found an email addressed to him and this woman thanking them for stopping in to buy a new car, it was nice to meet his future wife. We have not discussed divorce until I confronted him so this was a huge shock for me. I have always had a gut feeling but he is so convincing that is it not true. Is this an MLC thing, the complete lying? He is completely the opposite person from my husband. I just found out about this on monday and am wondering why string me along for 8 months. We have been together for 22 years, 15 married and have 3 kids 14,12 and 6.
I always said infidelity was a deal breaker but I never thought I would have to deal with it. I dont know what I want now. I feel weak for even thinking of hoping he will come home but I am not sure I can live with it. How do you watch him have an affair and continue to wait for him? How will I ever trust him again? Do I file for D or wait for him too. I am so confused. We were so dependent on eachother and having him be gone is still so painful, I feel like I have lost my right arm. I had such hopes and believed it was just so he could gain some perspective and we could become less dependent on eachother. I want to wake up from this nightmare.