Here is just the part about transportation in Perth - there is much more funny stuff about culture, landmarks, climate, daylight savings time, education, politics, etc.
The transportation and infrastructure in Perth is world-class, and consists of several highways and a train. Besides talking about the weather and daylight savings, Perth locals also like to talk about the transportation in Perth, or more precisely, talk about other people’s inability to merge in traffic. One of the ways to get a Perth local very upset is to merge incorrectly, as they are convinced that everyone in Perth with the exception of themselves can’t drive, and will not hesitate to tell other people about this[5].
Transport
To get to the pubs or beaches, Perthites must risk life and limb by driving on West Australian "roads" along with all of the other lunatics that are trying to make their way to the nearest watering hole. Obeying road rules is purely optional whilst trying to get to a pub and gestures such as fingersigns and mooning are encouraged. Speed limit signs serve no purpose other than as shooting targets. NO Perth driver has the ability to merge their car in traffic or can distinguish "left" and "right" ("no, the other left") and this usually results in huge clusterfucks of traffic jams, especially around the aptly named Narrows Bridge. Drivers that claim to have the ability to merge in traffic are liars and are immediately shot and fed to a dingo.
Construction of the new Southern Line. A small number of highly skilled and over paid "Guest Workers" fill the "skills gap" Added by Beef hookedIn 1999, traffic on the Narrows Bridge got too bad, so they built another identical one next to it. Just after this second Narrows bridge was completed in 2003, the government decided that building a train line down the middle of the two would look quite nice, thus dooming the bridge and its commuters to another 4 years of construction work. And its because of this construction that the freeway has now become a suburban street/parking lot with speed zones of 60-80kmph, instead of the usual 100kmph. And who is to say that the construction of the train line is going to solve the traffic problems for southwards. It definitely didn't for north!
It should also be noted that Perth drivers exhibit a number of interesting peculiarities:
If it rains - they stop. If its foggy - they stop. If the wind is blowing - they stop. If there is a 'D' in the day - they stop. If road works are in progress - they stop. If a car stops on the side of the road - they stop. If a motorcyclist has an accident and police are in attendance - they stop. If a motorcyclist has an accident and no police - they swerve around the scene and keep going.
NOTE: This is because motorcyclists are pure evil, and are often to be found breaking all laws, so you have to stay away from them or run them down if you are brave enough. Perth drivers are also renowned for slowing down when driving into tunnels and it gets that dark they cannot see the light switch so they do 40klm until they get out the other side. It would be very easy to think that the ultimate Perth driver would be seventy years old, wearing a lawn bowls hat and driving a Volvo truck, but in most cases they are 45 and driving a Mercedes Vito van. Other than that, Perth has the only drivers in Australia who do not know how to merge, use indicators or mirrors.
If a Perth driver is leaving Fremantle via Leach Highway and is going to turn right somewhere in, say, Riverton, 25km away, they will (a) move _immediately_ into the right hand lane; (b) drive at 40km/hr so that they don't miss the turn; and (c) indicate at least 5km before they reach their intersection. Also, a typical Perth driver will _always_ stop before turning a corner, regardless of whether they are turning left or right, and whether there is any reason to do so.
Motorcyclists in Perth are considered a suicide risk, as anybody who would try to ride a motorcycle through Perth traffic must have a death-wish. The police, however, have come up with a new evil machine to combat this - the MULTANOVA, which is now set to take your happy snap at 2kph over the limit (NB - no speedometer on earth is that accurate, not even in those in Porsches, so enjoy your fines). Sitting behind trees, it takes photos of innocent drivers who are goink 10 ks below the limit, but they've all been tweaked by those cops who want all that money. Bet they spend it on donuts. Perth Street Bike riders are considered a great scapegoat by both the media, government and certain chairpersons of Safety Councils. Obviously it is a lot easier to have new laws introduced if the public can be convinced it will target the heinous motorcycle riders. Typical of Perth drivers though is that they fail to realise that these law changes will soon be catching them in far greater quanities than they ever would catch motorcyclists.
The skies may be bright, but it sure as hell doesn't mean the drivers are.
As bad as the motor cyclists are, there is nothing more dangerous and irritating than the Bicycle cult, hell bent on an agenda of world domination which they call a "green future". On their way to work or back home motorists must constantly swerve around these cult cyclists in fear of their lives. This causes heavy congestion and makes people even later than they already are due to perth roads. Most frightlingly, even though a driver may have passed a cyclist, as soon as they think they are safe at some traffic stop, lo and behold the cyclist overtakes them, taking up an entire lane as if it is some kind of god given right. This is their greatest method of recruitment, motorists who are frustrated with both roads and cyclists, throw their hands up in the air and say "if you can't beat them join 'em". As irritating as the cult is, nothing can be done about them as they seem to have infiltrated high places in the government. The cults graffittee can be seen on walls around the most congested of roads, mocking motorists with propaganda like "cycle instead you idiot".
A classic example of Perth's "unique" road system is the principal artery connecting the Perth CBD to the port city of Fremantle. This is officially designated as "Stirling Highway" although in any other city it would probably be designated "Track". It is a two-lane single carriageway for its entire length and in a bizarre twist of urban planning, has more traffic lights than intersections. Vehicles turning right are not provided with slip-lanes, meaning they must stop in the right hand lane blocking traffic. The left hand lane is mostly taken up by bus stops, which for some reason are placed in the middle of the lane rather than in a siding. This combination frequently results in both lanes of traffic being blocked for long periods of time. Stirling Highway is, of course, just one example of Perth's transport infrastructure, which is studied world-over as a perfect example of How Not To Build A City.
Perth also boasts an international airport, which may handle several people in a day, depending on whether the small crash-prone planes make it to their destination. It has also yet to discover the wonders of having baggage trolleys. Most people using the airport are leaving Perth to find a better life in a small hole somewhere out in the Australian desert. Due to these increases in passenger numbers there are complaints that at peak times there may be a car parked along the drive to the carpark, causing another driver to slow down to the speed limit briefly on their otherwise uninterrupted journey. There are also occasionally flights to Indonesia, but most pilots simply choose to land on a highway in an effort to bypass the airports customs, which can take between 10 to 20 decades to go through.
