Wife stated not happy 05/10. Left for 2 days. I freak out and move to parents for a few days to clear head. Ask to come home, wife says we are now separated until she decides what she wants. I say at parents and work on myself (not happy in life - therapy, workout, now feeling better.) Go on preplanned family vacaion. Move back in house 07/10. Wife still has no answer. Finally gives "ILYBNILWY". Suspect OM. Sleeping together in bed, wedding rings on. Perform Spy maneuvers, find nothing. I take a one week preplanned vacation. Return home to "I don't want to be with you anymore", but no D-bomb. I move to guest room, wife no longer wears W ring. Start Couples Therapy 09/10. Go for two weeks, wife has freakout and moves to parents house for one week. Moves back home and she goes to guest room. Next therapy session is wife and Therapist alone. Therapist wants wife to make a decision and end the limbo. 4 days later 10/10 wife drops D-bomb. Find out an EA had ocured for 3 weeks one month after initial separation. Ended. Confirmed ended. No OM in picture at all. Confirmed. We stay in house - want to let D10 and D 8 finish school. Intent is to sell house in spring and each get new homes. 50/50 custody.
Currently wife has decided she has no idea who she is, that she is likely codependent, can't stay married and figure out who she is and how to be happy. She states she still loves me deeply, wants to reman very close friends (including time as "family" and living within walking distance of each other)but doesn't want to be married to me anymore. She says she wants no relationships at all in fuure, wants me to find someone new to be happy, and that we wil all live happily ever after.
We are stuck living together for at least 6 months. I have been GAL and she has spent a lot of time hanging with friends and family. She drinks a lot, stays up and can' sleep, and sems very depressed. She play acts she is fine and fools most people that she is strong and happy. Spends a lot of time looking at real estate online and re connecting with old friends from past. We do some things together still, and as a family. I have chosen to act as though I accept all that is going to happen. Stop all talk of future relationship or atempts to change her mind. We are in a limbo...
My question is... I want to try to work on a new structure of our married life that works for us both. I wasn't happy with the old way of living either. She is determined to get a Divorce, yet isn't really doing anything but coasting right now. No papers filed, no legal separation. I can't see this going on for 6 more months and I am not sure if I should just let it keep going or if I should be doing anything. I am hopng she will at some point change her mind about Reconciling either before or after a Divorce. I am however realistic that I need to move on as though she will never want to. I am taking care of myself and am mentally and practically preparing for an eventual Divorce and life as a single man. Is there anything anyone thinks I could be handling differently right now??? Let it roll??? Moving out isn't a finantial possibility for either of us now. Plus our girls need to finish the school year. We get along very well for the most part. Occasionally it does get uncomfortable to be around each other because we both know that the Divorce is "supposedly" coming. We had sex with each other 2 nights ago and it was fantastic, but she now whants to talk about it wich probably means she doesn't want to do that anymore due to the confusion she feels from it (until the next time she gets extremelly horny and drunk...)
This is just a very wierd scenario to be living under and I'm wondering what peoples thoughts or observations are about it. What immediate things am I missing (or doing right) and what long term things should I be setting the stage for. Again, I hope we can ultimately Reconcile, but I'm not going to wait for it to happen.
Thanks!!! Hope to get some responses and nice to meet the folks around here (just wish it was for different reasons!)
Anothercasualty
M 06/08 D10, D8 1st S 05/10 I move out Move back 07/10 same bed then me in guest room 2nd S 09/10 W out one week W back 09/10 W in guest room D-bomb 10/10 S - living together No D yet filed
