WAW 20 years and wants out

[gutwrenching]

^^
Me too...I did everything on emotions and wore them on my sleeves. Never did shake it completely but got stronger gradually...you will too. I'll add Rabbitt and Sandy to Serenity's list of people that pushed me to be stronger...

You have to want to stop being emotional and you have to try to think one step ahead so you are not reacting...act instead of react.

[Pensacolabroken]

Wife just called and wanted to know how my laywer visit went. I told her good. Gave her the info and the fee and said if she files I am retaining my attorney and if I file she should retain her own attorney so we are fair and everyone is protected. She was all bubbly about it and told me she was talking to some divorced people at her work. I commented that she should be talking to married people, but hey whatever she wants. She said she only asked for advice. I told her that is why I went to the lawyer.

Anyways it was pleasant. She asked me to pick up our son, I said I would and told her to have a nice visit with the attorney.

[Serenity13]

Pen~

Of course she is all bubbly about it...She is only seeing what she wants to see...Single and a life away from you.

She isn't looking at the financial aspect of it nor the impact it will have on your son etc....

Just like the affair, a D is going to be viewed through rose colored glasses until reality smacks her in the face.

(((Hugs)))

[Pensacolabroken]

Yes I see that also. She has commented that our son will be just fine. I disagree and think a divorce is the worse possible thing for a child. My own parents divorced when I was the same age as my son.

I will let her have her victory.. it will be fleeting I think.

[Starsky309]

Pen~

Of course she is all bubbly about it...She is only seeing what she wants to see...Single and a life away from you.

She isn't looking at the financial aspect of it nor the impact it will have on your son etc....

Just like the affair, a D is going to be viewed through rose colored glasses until reality smacks her in the face.

(((Hugs)))

Yep.


Starsky

[Pensacolabroken]

thats why I am sticking to my boundries and she will have to come to me. She will want to discuss her news of her visit with her lawyer no doubt.. I will just agree with her and not comment too much.. I too saw a lawyer today... she will be going to the TKD class tonight also and the EA/OM will be there.

[Pensacolabroken]

Also I suspect her bubbly is part of the test also.. two idiots standing on a cliff daring each other to jump...

[Pensacolabroken]

TEST.

she came home smiling and happy.. then wanted to kind of talk about, my lawyer is cheaper turns out.

We go upstairs and she says "you cant kick me out" I say I am not kicking you out. You have a choice. You are choosing and I am giving you what you want. She says "that pissed me off you are not "giving" me anything. So I said youre right, I am "accepting your decision to keep the OM" but you cant have me. She said so I just delete him off FB and all is good? I said NO you delete him, and then show me your cell phone when ever I ask and you give me your FB and EMAIL passwords.. she said I am controlling her.. She said this would be easy if she just could beleive I was not controlling her.. I said I am not controlling her she is free but these are non negotiable to me.

Didnt want to bring it up but she did.

She said I am hearing you and what your saying but it isnt going to happen over night. She then said it is not about him. I said BS it IS about him and we have no chance of any relationship with him in the picture. She spoke calmly and Rationally and I did also.. she said I am committed to counseling on next week and we will see what happens.. I said you know what my principles are and this is not to punish you, but I will not accept you and your affair in my marriage.. she tried the separated line again and I said this is your choice.

she said I am thinking about things but I think youre still controlling me. I said I am not. it was her choice.

more CB but we ended by thanking each other to listen to the other and off she went to TKD..

I didnt give in.

She said look we had an emotional day and I want to go to TKD and I am thinking about everything.. off in her car she ran

[gucci loafer]

As you can see what you are doing is not working...(or going to work)

You ARE trying to control her...

This really isn't how you do it. You are mistaken and going about this wrong...

You should be telling her you want her out and that YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ANYMORE..

"WAW, you can talk to anybody you want to. I am not sure how I feel about you anymore, but I think it best that you find another place to live. You can then talk to anybody you want to on the phone, in person or on FB.. I think that is for the best."

You can't make them stop talking to the other person by trying to be a security guard. It only works when YOU let go and THEY come back to you WANTING to make it work because YOU have let go. It is then that you tell them that you don't trust them and you just are not sure because you don't want to worry about whether they are still in contact with the OM. The WAW THEN tells you they will give you their passwords and anything you want.. This then makes it THEIR idea and is done because they WANT to do it and not because they are forced or cajoled into doing it...

I know you think you are setting some boundaries here, but you ars sadly mistaken and fooling yourself.

[Pensacolabroken]

umm okay she left an HOUR earlier then it is scheduled....