....more often than not I found myself feeling very distant, it felt more like a mechanical interaction than an intimate connection with my partner. It felt like he was only interested in getting, not giving,
....I also consciously tried to "just do it" again after reading the book. I have to be honest that I couldn't really give myself wholeheartedly to it, but I tried.
...We have spent many years struggling with this issue. I can honestly say that I have tried very hard to accommodate him and make him happy.
...I don't think he has ever recognized or appreciated how hard I have tried because what he seems to see is that I have yet to become the sexual person he would like me to be.
...I think he feels that a healthy sexual relationship simply involves more sex and my definition of a healthy sexual relationship includes feeling respected and cared about while engaging sexually.
My heart goes out to you and your husband. You sound like the two of you are trapped in a relationship that if you could just change a few things, could blossom again.
I know that I found my wife and me in a negative spiral where she would withdraw from me and then I would focus on work and she would feel more abandoned. It sounds like if your husband could just figure out how to make you feel respected, carred for, and engage your spirit and mind that your relationship could blossom.
In my relationship having a skilled sex therapist and going to a couples marriage weekend course taught be John Gottman and his wife, really helped change the way we related to each other. We are still trying to make more changes, but at least those things got us back to visualizing a happy marriage and jointly working toward that goal.
One of the things that surprised me was how unhappy my wife had been and how much happier she became after we started to take care of each others needs more.
You might need an outside "change agent" to help you get what you feel you need out of the relationship. Good luck to you.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
