Arnie, part of me? All of me. My W does not want a D. She would have files by now she has said. I love her dearly and have for a long time. The only thing that keeps us going throgh the years is the bond we have to each other. every problem we have had (and its been a few) has always been solved by the strong attraction and friendship we have. She is going back to Co next Thurs.
what bond?
what strong attraction?
Bro, you seriously need to learn a thing or two about attraction. When a woman is strongly attracted to a man, she doesn't go out hunting for another man, plain and simple. When a woman in an existing relationship with a man is attracted to another man and has an affair with this other man (regardless if it's EA/PA, whatever), it means that woman is no longer attracted to her original partner. The same holds true for a man that cheats on his wife or girlfriend.
You did many things in your relationship to kill the attraction between the two of you.
The only thing keeping her waffling back & forth on a decision between the two of you are the repercussions associated with her decision because make no mistake, this has all been HER decision. You have enabled her to make these decisions on her own because you have communicated that there are no consequences for cheating on you.
"No worries babe, I'll be here waiting for you when you're done having fun with that other guy"
You may not have used those specific words but you communicated this idea to your wife, I am 100% certain of this.
There is no bond, there is no strong attraction between you and your wife right now.
What you have is history and you're confusing that with the other 2 ideas. Get this concept into your head, learn it, know it, research attraction between men & women, do something but stop doing what you're doing and stop waffling back & forth over being there for her and then getting angry and thinking you're going to kick her out and telling her it's over. Because truth be told, she is used to you not making a decision and sticking to it, and she will continue predicting your thoughts and actions because you are predictable. She knows she still has you, if she sends you a nice text msg or gives you a "hug", you are still her pet and she knows she controls you.
Look at the effect that her being with another man has done to you: - you pursued her - you went to counseling - you still believe there is a strong "bond" and "attraction" between the two of you - you don't want to accept the reality of the situation, you would rather believe your feelings on all of this
When you get real and smarten up, things will changes in your situation, but not before then.
In effect, a signed piece of paper is a legal binding document. But I said 'I do' on Trapper Peak in a freak thunderstorm before a woman who owned 17 cats and didn't sign anything till I move to the state with the governor who paid people to have sex in front of him with follow by an election fueled by controversy over homosexual or gay marriage. legally?
maybe we chose the wrong adverb.
this sounds very interesting, any of this on youtube by chance?
Very good points robx. Nothing like hearing that I'm living a lie right now. Your right though on every point. She talks to me and meets with me during the week, when she needs me and on the weekends she disappears. I guess OG does not see her during the week. Like a dope I went shopping with her last night and we had a couple of drinks. She said it was real nice to have no pressure just us enjoying some time together.
Afterwards I dropped her at her door( for 7 weeks I had to guess where she lived ). But when I got home things she said knawed at me. I felt duped. That she threw me a bone to keep me involved. She and I have always enjoyed shopping together but it was diefferent.And when we at the bar her body language was leaning away from me.
I have been a fool and she has played me. I have to change the situation.
Yes, even though it will likely kill me. Its almost the weekend and I know I will not hear from her. When she tries to contact me monday I will not respond. When she persists I will let her know (via email?) Or should I state the fact that I can no longer be a part of our marriage, that I am not going to fight for her anymore and I am moving on. Man I gotta gain some stregth this weekend.
Yes, even though it will likely kill me. Its almost the weekend and I know I will not hear from her. When she tries to contact me monday I will not respond. When she persists I will let her know (via email?) Or should I state the fact that I can no longer be a part of our marriage, that I am not going to fight for her anymore and I am moving on. Man I gotta gain some stregth this weekend.
Toss,
It won't kill you. Don't let those thoughts affect your emotions! You can do this. You can handle this.
