Resentment came from me. My boundary is not to tolerate broken promises and waffling. Do or don't is what I expect.
Do you think there's a way to enforce your boundaries without withdrawing like you did though? It doesn't sound like either of you communicated much afterwards. How can you negotiate a better marriage if you don't talk with her through such conflicts?
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Resentment came from me. My boundary is not to tolerate broken promises and waffling. Do or don't is what I expect.
Do you think there's a way to enforce your boundaries without withdrawing like you did though? It doesn't sound like either of you communicated much afterwards. How can you negotiate a better marriage if you don't talk with her through such conflicts?
Not much R talk right now. Working silently on things.
She has never meen much of a talker. Her actions speak for her. That's what I'm dealing with. I have called her out on the occasional irresponsibility. No need to repeat myself. She knows when she misbehaves. She has been trying but that does not mean I should let it slip. She knows very well how she has disappointed me in the past.
No, we did not communicate about this afterwards at all. In fact I don't want to talk about it. I will be certain that tonight she will make up for it without speaking a word and I will make sure I reward her good behavior.
No, we did not communicate about this afterwards at all. In fact I don't want to talk about it. I will be certain that tonight she will make up for it without speaking a word and I will make sure I reward her good behavior.
Got a chill up my backbone when I read that. I was wrong. That is control.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
No, we did not communicate about this afterwards at all. In fact I don't want to talk about it. I will be certain that tonight she will make up for it without speaking a word and I will make sure I reward her good behavior.
Got a chill up my backbone when I read that. I was wrong. That is control.
No, we did not communicate about this afterwards at all. In fact I don't want to talk about it. I am certain that tonight she will make up for it without speaking a word and I will make sure I reward her good behavior.
Got a chill up my backbone when I read that. I was wrong. That is control.
I think I understand what freaked you out. The edit button did not work.
She has a way to her lack of verbal apologies to do nice things instead. What I meant was that tonight she will either cook a nice meal or take mo out and I will show my appreciation.
I guess I just think that when you withdraw from a conflict, when you don't clearly state your position, how you felt about what happened (no I don't mean letting your emotions run away with you), and negotiate a way to manage the situation better next time ... the other party will never know how they could do it better next time so that they CAN meet your expectations and make you happy.
IDK. Just my theory. If it doesn't fit for you it doesn't.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
I guess I just think that when you withdraw from a conflict, when you don't clearly state your position, how you felt about what happened (no I don't mean letting your emotions run away with you), and negotiate a way to manage the situation better next time ... the other party will never know how they could do it better next time so that they CAN meet your expectations and make you happy.
IDK. Just my theory. If it doesn't fit for you it doesn't.
Repeating myself over a single issue feels like nagging to me.
I have communicated this before and she knows it. She gets wrapped in her doings and time flies by. She knows that I am responsible enough to cover for her.
It does not mean I need to be okay with it.
I have asked "What can I do to help you to be more responsible for the pets and the household?"
Never got a verbal answer but the CB stopped immediately for awhile and instead of "telling" me she started "asking" if I was okay with things.
Just a little slip and I don't want to rehash it.
Right now I am cool as a cuecumber and I don't want to show her negative emotions. She does crap I try to call her on it, she does good I compliment. The latter has happened more times that I've bothered to post here lately.
Repeating myself over a single issue feels like nagging to me....I have communicated this before and she knows it.
Yah, I get what you're saying. I've been there. Just try to give her the benefit of the doubt sometimes if you can. (of course, not to the extent that you end up feeling disrespected... don't want that for you)
I know you know that behavior change takes a long time and it's hard and can be scary. Sometimes it takes repeating what you need a few times. If she doesn't 'get it' right away, it doesn't mean she's not trying.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
