lauraoh, i'm saddened by the turn of events in your m. you are going through it with a great attitude.
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Good stuff D4ML--lots of insight. Honing in on what works and what doesn't work is very important.
that's just me working on me.
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Looking back with clarity helps to see that this path is not a horrible one. You may not have wanted it, but you have developed in some really interesting ways.
i have started to understand a bit better where i went wrong. from time to time, i still make excuses and shift blame to my mil for being a poor mother.
1. i need to work on my communication skills. i clam up when i'm worried/concerned/unhappy about something. it comes across as shutting someone out.
2. i need to show more compassion. i have never spoke about certain things on this board. but there were times when i discovered my h's "double life" and my reaction made him feel like there was something horribly wrong with him. i should have been more compassionate. instead, i reacted like i thought he was a freak.
3. i need to check my pride at the door. a marriage is a partnership where both of us work together and not against one another. it's not a competition about who wins or loses.
during my time on this board, i actually developed a fourth problem - a very jaded view of marriage. i have read a lot of posts about how a woman needs to feel secure in her marriage - secure in the emotional and financial sense. and it made me cringe. men telling other men that women need to feel financially secure in a relationship - yet, it is the men who turn around and accuse the women of marrying them for their money?
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Helping others in areas that you have some knowledge is going to feel amazing.
i will help if i'm called upon. i want to work on me first.
btw, i did the right thing for my separation agreement. no blood, no guts. just the right thing.
