how I can take the lead without it seem like I'm pressuring her.
By first being crystal clear on your goals - I believe Coach asked you about this a few posts back, and your response was to be in a loving relationship where both of you were committed and working on it (paraphrasing - I hope I got the gist).
If I had heard what she said about wishing things weren't like they were, it would seem that she is expressing a desire to work on the relationship now. The reason why validation is important is that it would help find out whether that is indeed the case (otherwise it's just mind-reading).
Some minor tweaking of pookie's suggestion a few posts back would be helpful - of course only if it is indeed what you mean.
