I'm focused on getting there, but I'm not there yet.
Ya know, you get there when YOU are supposed to get there!
You can try to "force" yourself there. You can, you can sit down and really come up with a bunch of justifications.
F*ck, you can ever go out a bang a few chicks and think that "your done" - that chit life is okay after all of this.
You can try all sorts of things to be "done"...
Guess what?
It will happen when it is suppose to happen.
The most important thing that you can do is.
Respect your M Respect your W and more importantly, RESPECT YOURSELF and THIS PROCESS.
Take from it what you will.
Many my brother will not do the "real" work. Society is not built that way. Society tells you to....move on.
Ask yourself this one question...when that time comes and IT WILL...
When you are faced with the biggest decisions of YOUR life...
Ask youself ONE fu*king question -
Did I give it my all!
You pick that fuc*ing mirror up and stare at that bi*ch and HONESTLY answer yourself. When you can and the answer is YES.
Well then Bro....
You really journey is just startin...
God Bless you, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Okay, I know this is a pet peeve of mine, but I believe there is a difference in Going Dark and Detaching.
First of all, going dark is very hard to do whenever children are in the mix. You cannot be dark if you have to see your S. That's not dark. Going dark is whenever a person completely separates themselves from their S and does not see them or talk to them for a long period of time (like a year.....at least several months). This works when couples do not have children or else they have someone to intervene with child visitations (dropping kids off at S, etc.).
You don't call it going dark a day or two while you're living under the same roof! That's not going dark. It really makes you look as if you're in a bad mood. You're not GD if you don't answer a phone call or respond to a text.
Then......somewhere along the way people stated using the term "going gray". What?? You don't go dark one day and gray the next and then sunny the next!
People need to understand what detaching is all about. Forget going dark or any other shades. Most newcomers can't go dark. Heck, they can't even detach!
Learn what detaching is all about. Detaching can be done while living under the same roof or separated. You can "lovingly" detach. Detaching is not acting like you're in a mood by not talking. Detaching is an attitude of being a new person who is focused on becoming involved in an enjoyable life and who doesn't have time for a bunch of drama or taking cr@p from the S. Detaching is not jumping to answer a call or text every time the S decides to check up. Detaching is not engaging in R talks or persuing.
I could go on & on about what detaching is, but I mainly wanted to get the GOING DARK (and especially going GRAY)off my chest. Going dark is a DB technique, but it really is one of the very LRT to use. I am concerned that Newcomers do not understand the difference in the two concepts.
I like this so I'm adding it to my post so I can find it.
I always saw dark as the Last Resort Technique (LRT)
Which IMO won't work on an MLCer.
??
The way I see it AK, is that dettaching is the ability to remove yourself emotionally from their negative manipulations...and postive ones beyond the momement.
Dark? Sandi is mostly right about it, it is tyhe actual availability to the spouse, but I disagree about the kids part, I found it quite easy to go dark.
Living in the same house, again I agree with Sandi, you go dark for a few days you look like an holeass.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I'm feeling great working out. Cutting back on Smokes and can't really drink more than 2 beers without becoming uncomfortable.
Kicked a puppy, beat a co-worker, and found a burial site for OM. JUST KIDDING! Bad joke.
Anyway, moving forward. Still no anger towards Wife; but still get twinges of desire to beat myself up a little bit now and then. I'm getting pretty good at channeling that anger into other feelings. Again working out is helping with this negative energy immensely.
Thanks to ALL of you for your support. I wouldn't be where I am at now without you.
still get twinges of desire to beat myself up a little bit now and then.
Ya can't change the past....BUY you sure as hell can change/write YOUR future! These feeling of guilt, remorse, sorrow about things that you did in the past will from time to time come back. In one way, they are good IMO - they can be used as a reminder of 1) just of far you have come and 2) a reminder of past behaviors that you remember not to go back to.
Quote:
Kicked a puppy, beat a co-worker, and found a burial site for OM. JUST KIDDING! Bad joke.
Not a bad joke to me...wanna hear my bad joke...
Come to CT with your shovel and help me dig my hole and I'll go up to your neck of the woods and help you. Now that buddy is a bad joke - LOL.
Quote:
Our first Mediation appointment is tomorrow
Try and center yourself before the meeting. Your emotions may be all of the place dude - try as best you can NOT to let them make you committ to something that you may regret later.
You know Bwrol gave me some great advice once - it is somewhere in my thread. In short, he talks about finding the balance between wanting to make her "pay" and being a "doormat". Some where in the middle is where you want to be. Now is NOT the time to make her pay. At the same token, now is not the time for you to try and "make up" for all your past transgressions.
At the end of the day this is a business transaction. Separate the emotions from it.
Do what in your heart feels right. When in doubt a simple "I will think about it should suffice".
Let me ask you this...
Do you have a plan?
Do you know what you want to accomplish?
Stand strong my friend!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Good luck today at your meeting. Calm dude...let the new YOU show up!
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
You don't go dark one day and gray the next and then sunny the next! 