I understand. I've been in this place recently and it still comes up.
Your H has some serious growing up to do and it won't happen as long as he is using his A as a crutch to avoid it. His family isn't helping and probably never will. I can imagine in these circumstances it's hard to imagine your H ever waking up and then growing up. I think that's a good part of the reason the protection phase involves focussing on you and letting go of all thoughts, good, bad, speculative, imagined, anything to do with your H until he's out of his fog.
FWIW, I don't think the point of DB'ing is to be the S your partner wants but rather to be your best self, the person your S saw in you when they fell in love with you. You're obviously growing in that direction and I expect one day when your H's A crashes and burns, he'll notice that and the question will be 'what has he done to deserve you back?'.
You might want to try just staying dark, letting go, concentrating on your personal growth and letting things take their course for awhile.
I think you're doing great and you'll have an amazing life no matter what you choose to do.
