Took the kids to school this morning and went to work on a homicide investigation that has had our office stumped for a month now. 3 victims, one was pregnant. Dope deal gone bad. Anyway W sent a text and asked where I was working today? sent her one back about 30 minutes later that I was knee deep on an investigation whats up? She then started to aske about it, we chatted back and forth. Then she went into asking me if I was using steroids? WTF? I did not respond to that, she then said well since you didnt respond i will assume you are. She then typed you have gotten bigger, and that she is worried about me, she doesnt care what other people say, she does still care. She then goes into how we weill not be best friends but how could I not try and preserve the sliver of a relationship we have left? I kept letting her type away. I finally typed to her I am happy with the way things are what needs to change? She said a lot needs to change. I stopped responding to that convo and finally said lets go back to why you asked where I was working today. She still didnt really go into it. SHe then went on about why she would expect anything different from me.
I still have not had the Robx speech, have felt our sitch is beyond that. I have been back in the gym and regained all the stress weight I lost back in muscle! so now I am using steroids? classic!
My roommate's Gf said to me that my W thinks I look good and this was her twisted way of trying to accuse me of something! She hasnt reached in a while, but it got a bit ridiculous today!
Thats my story of the day. Still not 3 pages a day like John thank god! I dont even post there anymore, I cant do it.
Then she went into asking me if I was using steroids?
Wouldn't that be illegal? I actually don't know but think it is illegal. I am to terrified of the side-effects of messing with my endocrine system to possibly try steriods. That's for people crazier than me even
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
TH yes illegal, I have had to use testim in the past for low testosterone, but that was by a Doctor who told me it was so low, he didnt know how I could get excited in front of a woman!! haha but even with that, the W thought I use steroids, my brother is a body builder, I have access to them but have only used testosterone prescribed by a physician. I have regained 23 pounds in 3 months, as I said the stress diet turned and I started eating more and hitting the gym harder! why is that a problem?
I dont feel like talking to her, I guess I am done with it? dont know, I just dont feel I need to go in to too much detail! none of her business.
Maybe that is how it is. Sure sounds like it from reading your latest entries.
You came here seeking advice on how to cope and how to possibly save your marriage, but maybe you don't want that anymore. I can understand. I have been there, and yet... my W and I are trying to reconcile... with me being the one that is having a hard time being 100% all-in right now, and the thing is... I know THAT was part of our problem pre-bomb, so I plan on addressing that myself.
If it's not too late for you, maybe try a little experiment just to humor me. What do you have to lose if you are wanting this divorce anyway?
Next time she expresses any concern, turn what she says into a question and repeat it back to her (it validates her at the same time it gives her a chance to explain herself).
She told you something like, "Believe it or not, I still care about you", so you could have turned that one around easily and into, "You still care about me?".
It's not needy, it's not clingy, it's not hopefully begging, it's just a little verbal judo that turns back around what she is saying, and she can either respond or not. Her choice.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Next time she expresses any concern, turn what she says into a question and repeat it back to her (it validates her at the same time it gives her a chance to explain herself).
Sorry to hijack, but . . . . . Oh man! I'm using this in my call tomorrow. In fact, this is my goal for the call. Ignore my need for "closure" (I've never believed in it and anyway,I won't get it from a phone call no matter what) but leave her wondering about her own thoughts. Force Ask, her to explain her own thoughts.
Thanks TH!
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
Took the kids to school this morning and went to work on a homicide investigation that has had our office stumped for a month now. 3 victims, one was pregnant. Dope deal gone bad. Anyway W sent a text and asked where I was working today? sent her one back about 30 minutes later that I was knee deep on an investigation whats up? She then started to aske about it, we chatted back and forth. Then she went into asking me if I was using steroids? WTF? I did not respond to that, she then said well since you didnt respond i will assume you are. She then typed you have gotten bigger, and that she is worried about me, she doesnt care what other people say, she does still care. She then goes into how we weill not be best friends but how could I not try and preserve the sliver of a relationship we have left? I kept letting her type away. I finally typed to her I am happy with the way things are what needs to change? She said a lot needs to change. I stopped responding to that convo and finally said lets go back to why you asked where I was working today. She still didnt really go into it. SHe then went on about why she would expect anything different from me.
I still have not had the Robx speech, have felt our sitch is beyond that. I have been back in the gym and regained all the stress weight I lost back in muscle! so now I am using steroids? classic!
My roommate's Gf said to me that my W thinks I look good and this was her twisted way of trying to accuse me of something! She hasnt reached in a while, but it got a bit ridiculous today!
Thats my story of the day. Still not 3 pages a day like John thank god! I dont even post there anymore, I cant do it.
My response would have been: "How could I not try to preserve the sliver of the relationship we have left? Oh... I don't know, you originally had an affair and you never worked to regain my trust again, you made it seem like you were taking me back, nothing I did was ever good enough, you are miserable to me most of the time, you wrote hurtful things about us in your journal, you probably attempted to have another affair that I'm not aware of, you got your own place, you asked me for help constantly with your move and fixing things and I provided it, you took the kids and made it difficult for me to have any type of fair custody of my children as if I'm some sort of criminal, in general you treat me poorly, worse than anyone I know. So guess what, I gave up on you, after a while a person gets the hint, you will always be this way towards me and I've accepted it. FYI - I don't have any friends that do this to me, because I wouldn't do that to them. I have higher standards than that. That's why we can't be friends or have any type of relationship other than being civil and co-parenting our children. Life is very good as is and I only expect it to get better so maybe it was you all this time, that's why jumping through hoops all these years trying to please you didn't work, because I wasn't the main problem. You have personal issues you need to resolve, you need to focus on yourself before worrying about any type of relationship with me."
You give her the walking papers, notice of employment termination, you run through your score card of the things that she did which killed it for you and that's that.
You aren't mean, you're not a prick or an a$$hole, you are real with her, blatantly honest.
As for the "steroids" issue, she has nothing left, she's grasping at whatever else she can to hold against you, and it's not working anymore. It's just a hurtful accusation on her part that she can't back up, she just notices you look very good now, healthy, in shape and it probably bothers her, she didn't expect that when the two of you separated, that you would end up looking and feeling better than when you two were together.
I understand where you are coming from, if it comes up again I will try your suggestion. Rob, I would love to copy and paste what you type, problem is I am a man of few words and a lot of shoulder shrugging.
This time on my own, has given me the chance to truly look back at my M, and see all the things I have done, good and bad. As well as what she has done in our M, good and bad. I dont think I want it anymore. There are times I miss the good stuff, but i look back and see the bad out weighs the good.
Since the last post of her texting me, she has gone dark, I sent a text about the kids this weekend and no response. I called last night to talk to the kids, no answer. Back to her game playing i guess.
