Arnie, part of me? All of me. My W does not want a D. She would have files by now she has said. I love her dearly and have for a long time. The only thing that keeps us going throgh the years is the bond we have to each other. every problem we have had (and its been a few) has always been solved by the strong attraction and friendship we have. She is going back to Co next Thurs.
what bond?
what strong attraction?
Bro, you seriously need to learn a thing or two about attraction. When a woman is strongly attracted to a man, she doesn't go out hunting for another man, plain and simple. When a woman in an existing relationship with a man is attracted to another man and has an affair with this other man (regardless if it's EA/PA, whatever), it means that woman is no longer attracted to her original partner. The same holds true for a man that cheats on his wife or girlfriend.
You did many things in your relationship to kill the attraction between the two of you.
The only thing keeping her waffling back & forth on a decision between the two of you are the repercussions associated with her decision because make no mistake, this has all been HER decision. You have enabled her to make these decisions on her own because you have communicated that there are no consequences for cheating on you.
"No worries babe, I'll be here waiting for you when you're done having fun with that other guy"
You may not have used those specific words but you communicated this idea to your wife, I am 100% certain of this.
There is no bond, there is no strong attraction between you and your wife right now.
What you have is history and you're confusing that with the other 2 ideas. Get this concept into your head, learn it, know it, research attraction between men & women, do something but stop doing what you're doing and stop waffling back & forth over being there for her and then getting angry and thinking you're going to kick her out and telling her it's over. Because truth be told, she is used to you not making a decision and sticking to it, and she will continue predicting your thoughts and actions because you are predictable. She knows she still has you, if she sends you a nice text msg or gives you a "hug", you are still her pet and she knows she controls you.
Look at the effect that her being with another man has done to you: - you pursued her - you went to counseling - you still believe there is a strong "bond" and "attraction" between the two of you - you don't want to accept the reality of the situation, you would rather believe your feelings on all of this
When you get real and smarten up, things will changes in your situation, but not before then.
