Last entanglement in Paris

[sleeper]

I took kids to X last night. She invited me in to meet a friend and chat for a while. she was relating a story of a confrotation incident that occured between herself, OM and a former friend just after we separated. Listening to her revealed a little of what was going on in her mind just post-bomb. some of you might find it interesting.

As with many mlcers, many said she "changed", wasn't the same person, etc. X related that former friend told her she wasn't the same person after X's grandmother died. Grandmother was her m other figure and her grandfather also died a little over a year after her grandmother. X explaind she hadn't changed but had decided to "stand up for herself". This is how she sees what i would call the "anger stage" when she was assertive, obstinate in her demands and would become verbally and sometimes physically abusive if met with resistance. This also segues with the observation they become the opposite of what they were. She obviously saw herself as a pushover and so she became the pusher.

Of course in the story she related her ex-friend was the one who had gone "crazy", wrong in everything she said or did and her changes had nothing to do with the loss of her grandparents, just maturing and "taking care of" herself.

On a personal note I learned she had made up her mind that our marriage was over early on and even commented that we were "already divorced" when the events happened. We weren't and a legal separation had been filed just weeks prior to the incident she referenced.

I also believe there was a lot of projection going on during this time. She was dating so she accused me of dating (OK for her but not for me?) although I wasn't. She physically assaulted me once accusing me of going on a date with her best friend. She also freaked and thought I was going to take advantage of her financially in the D. Makes sense now as that is what she was planning on doing to me and feared I would do the same to her. Of course she believes what she wanted was absolutely "fair". I took the high road in all that and believe it was the right thing as it would have gotten ugly indeed if I hadn't.

Some of the things she said last night in direct conflict with what she told me at the time. I didn't call her on any of it. there was a third party present and what difference would it make? I'm not sure if this is selective memory, revised memory, or re-writing of history to make thing more acceptable to herself and others.

It was kinda bizzare. I was like an invited observer to the convo between them, a fly on the wall but of course she was talking to me too as I was in the room and she had invited me to listen.

The funny thing was as she was leaving her friend commented she believes Karma is a real thing.

I can't help but wonder if she said that for my benefit.