Wife is cheating, am sad but confused?

[Truegritter]

A boundry was set that I don't want to hear about trust any more. I will continue to shut her down when she brings that issue up.

This is tough stuff to understand at first HIL.

There is a fine line here on what your boundaries should be to protect you.

And

Her discussing her feelings. IMO her saying she doesn't trust you is her "feelings"

I understand that her feelings might hurt you. But we can't control what other people think and feel.

That is an important lesson to learn here in this.

You might not agree. What I would have said is "I am sorry you feel that way."

It validates her feelings while not agreeing and not arguing.

Boundaries also must have a consequence...what is consequence of her sharing her feelings?

You denying them?

Detaching is the boundary for the emotions you feel from all this stuff. To protect you from that pain.

Water off a duck's back.

Think of your boundaries as deterrant for hurtful actions.

Like if she told you she doesn't trust you by pounding you on the shoulder. Probably a boundary needs to be set yes?


The consequence? You leave the room and maybe call the cops.

and be careful because IMO you can go crazy with boundaries and it can be like crying wolf.

If you need protection from everything how secure will that make you feel?

More like a victim than a man?

YOU choose what you will let get to you and hurt you.

That will become clearer and you will get better at it as you detach and begin to heal.

Will you let someone's actions and choices rule your life?

Dictate your happiness and self respect?

That power lies within you. Don't give it to your W or anyone else.