So sorry you're going through this! When "it's all about them," they don't see all the destruction they create in their wake.
One of the things I've discovered since WH moved out is how much calmer things are around here. No more walking on eggshells, no more planning things around his moods. Even the kids seem happier. He's gone, he's doing his own thing, and we're doing ours.
If he wants back, he's going to have to do some MAJOR changing - I will not tolerate any more disruption from him. Like you, I have a list of things that need to happen before I'll be willing to try again and allow him back into my life. He may have fired us as his family by walking out, but if he thinks we'll rehire him as a husband and father just because the other relationship didn't work out, he's in for a rude surprise!
I think it's interesting that as soon as your WH's relationship with OW ended - even though she had "nothing to do with things" (script, script) - he wanted back. Make him sweat it. Let him know leaving was the easy part; coming back's going to be the challenge.
