putting my big girl panties on

[flowmom]

Life continues to be interesting.

On Oct 1, two days after I last posted, almost-beau told me that he didn't "see us as a couple" and broke up with me. I guess all my anxiety and insecurity was well-founded. I was hooked on him, but once the thrill of the chase was over for him, I think he realized that it wasn't a love thing for him. His mind created a future for us, but his heart didn't follow. The rejection hurt, and triggered the feelings of not being loveable/good enough that I had with STBXH. He really is an amazing guy and I was sad that we wouldn't have some of the experiences that I allowed myself to hope for.

But life wasn't going to make it convenient for me to pine over a man who couldn't offer me an emotional connection. The following day, the first guy that I dated (Guitarist) phoned me and we spoke for the first time in almost a month since I told him that I'd be seeing M exclusively. I guess I had been on Guitarist's mind and he decided to phone me one last time to see if I was happy with M. Eerie timing, as I was home alone and sick, licking my wounded ego and feeling sad.

Lucky, lucky me that I am getting a second chance with Guitarist. We have seen one another four times in the last two weeks and things are moving fast. Guitarist hasn't been pushing things, but a couple of days ago he confessed that he's "crazy about me". Wow. It was quite a thrill to hear that

Guitarist certainly is a manly guy with a lot of inner strength. But he has also shown that he can be open and share his vulnerability with me. I'm not sure if I've ever been in a relationship with a man like him.

When I started dating, I knew I wanted sex and male companionship. I guess I didn't realize how much I craved affection and emotional connection until it was there in abundance with Guitarist.

So I guess have a beau...and I'm feeling really good about it. Guitarist has a lot to offer, and loves what I have to offer. We can steal time out of our busy lives and enjoy one another with no complications. At least that is what it seems like at this point.